I feel so lost

[Unknownmember]

I've even married for 5 years and we have two dc, 3 and 2.

Two years ago my husband slept with a prostitute. It really was hard to move pass this and try and rebuild our relationship. I also can never escape from the date of it, as it's the same day my uncle passed away. So I'm always reminded about it.

I have found DH watching porn, and have asked him not to. But he still does. We are no longer intimate or close. We don't kiss apart from
pecks on the cheeks, we don't have sex anymore. I bought a 12 pack of condoms, last November and we still have two left.

I have tried to talk to him about it, but it never gets anywhere. He says that I don't try, I don't make him feel good anymore, I don't act like I love him.

It has been hard and Some days I resent what he has done to us. But I have tried to make things better.

I'll be honest I have put on weight. Since I found out what happened, I stopped caring about myself. So I eat.

I don't know what to do

You need to lose 12 stone of husband. He should be bending over backwards to make amends.

It's not you. It's him.
Be kind to yourself.

Please stop taking this out on yourself by neglecting yourself and overeating, and direct your anger where it belongs ie. him. A husband is meant to be a loving, caring, respectful & equal partner.... what you've got is a disgusting worm that has no respect for women and is blaming you for his filthy behaviour. You can't 'make things better' when he is so determined to insult & ignore you. You can't 'act like you love him' when he's worth nothing but contempt.

Why are you still with a man that behaves this way? What is stopping you from LTB?

What Cogito said. Please don't start believing his crap that it's your fault.

Why am I with him? Because I still believe he can be the man he was. Because I still do love him. Because we have kids.

The lack of a real relationship is killing me. I feel like we are two people living together. I want someone to kiss me, to be with me. Someone to make me feel alive and wanted again. I just feel like I'm someone making everyone happy.

That someone to make me feel like that again should be him. He should be doing everything to make me feel important to him.

1. He is the man he is. This is the real him. As good as he gets. He will never the man he was because that was just the way he persuaded you to be his wife. A sales pitch. There are no consequences to his behaviour so his behaviour will not change..
2. Unreciprocated love is destructive. Neglect is corrosive. You're overeating, depressed, your needs are not being met and - on some level- you don't think you deserve better when you do.
3. Kids don't deserve to be raised in an unloving household by a man that loathes women and neglects their mother.

He should be doing something but he chooses not to. Rather than continuing to feel sorry for yourself, believe you can change him or hold out false hopes that he is going to suddenly change himself, I suggest you start getting angry at the disrespect and work from there.

Oh, get rid of him and be happy.

Cogito, your post scares me. What if that is all true?

I've spoken to him and laid out my terms. He's agreed to it, but we will see. He's agreed to change so many times and then he messes up. And these problems aren't small. But his reasoning is that, if he goes out 10 times, and out of that ten he messes up once, then he's showing that he's changed.

I feel like I live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

If it's all true then you have some hard thinking and some tough decisions to make. The man is a liar. He lies about his behaviour. He lies about changing. He lies about why he watches porn and uses hookers (he blames you rather than take responsibility). He's made you another promise but how long before that turns out to be another lie? How long are you going to let him take you for a fool? A life spent waiting for someone else to change personality is a life completely wasted.

I read somewhere - focus on what a person DOES rather than what they SAY. Words and promises are cheap and easy but actions are persuasive as the require actually doing something. What do his actions tell you? What is he actually doing for this marriage?

Best of luck Unknown