Depressed DM

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Hi all

My Mum's been depressed for most of this year and in the run-up to Christmas (her Dad died young 20 years ago and she's never got over it) I fear it's going to get worse.

Part of the reason for her depression is her daddy issues which have never been addressed. Whenever anyone raises the issues she dissolves into tears and can't talk about it. She's felt abandoned ever since she was a child as he never gave her much attention (workaholic). She then married a workaholic and control freak (my father) from whom she's now separated. She's now in what sounds like a terrible relationship (v one-sided) with another workaholic who doesn't do anything for her.

The depression manifests itself mainly in sulks with my brother, who she has always craved attention off too (noticing a pattern?) and she has frequently fallen out with his girlfriends for 'taking him away from me'. I live 200 miles away and she's pretty much accepted I only get to see her every few months.

I don't know what to do. I'm slightly dreading Xmas, although I'm very much looking forward to seeing her, I don't know how to help. Last time she came to see me for a few days for a break, and she spent most of the time sleeping on the sofa while we begged her to come out and sightsee.

She's not on AD's anymore as she associates them with being 'on the sick' and not working, and she's made positive steps by starting a distance learning course, but refuses to get a hobby or do anything that will get her out of the house more for something besides her (unfulfilling) job.

Does anyone have any ideas/strategies that might help her?

I don't know if she won't be helped its difficult, counselling would probably be the only thing that will help, but if she won't go ?
Is there anyway that you could be blunt with her and say that christmas will be hard if she doesn't get help 1st?
I don't think a hobby will help tbh.

If you take depression and 20 year old 'daddy issues' out of the equation, I'm afraid what you're left with is a grown woman that sulks, behaves badly enough to drive away your DB's girlfriends and generally indulges in pretty poor attention-seeking behaviour. It's manipulative. If she's stopped taking medication, wont seek help and won't do anything to improve her own life in other ways there really isn't a lot you can do.

You are not responsible for your DM's happiness and you can't change her behaviour. If you're dreading Xmas, I strongly suggest you make other plans.

You sound like a wonderful,kind understanding person and the only thing you can do is to carry on supporting DM as much as you can.
She may not be able to show how much she appreciates it but she does and hopefully in time that will become apparent.

Abbykins, I am the worst for putting my self down in order to support other people, but I would never advise it.OP has had enough of trying and is already feeling a sense of dread about something that is going to happen months in advance. It is not really up to her to make herself ill for a mother who will drain her and drain her. Some times we have to step back for our own good.