What a weekend! Great and Horrid together. But did I say the right thing to DH?

[WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair]

had my parents to stay for the first time ever (DH driving them home now), was really lovelya nd enjoyed it. . Didn't get on withn them as a younger person and they weren't good parents, but the alcoholism / depression has gone and they are SO nice now. So that's the positive side.

On a downer, DH is off work again after his depression kicked off again. Knew it was a possibility as his friend died recently, but yesterday I interrupteed his watching of Dr Who to get him to walk to Chinese with me. BIG mistake! He got as far as the park then started yelling at me that I don't care, it was over, I'm trying to work him into the goriund etc etc etc- exactly the same stuff I used to get back along In tha past I always begged himsto stay, this time I just pointed out that if he drove away he was over the limit and I would call the Police. When he had calmed down andwas ettled, i told him that if he took a few days off work and saw the Dr I would forget it, if notr then he could go and I wasn't having the verbal shouting, especially inpublic.

I feel a bit mean now, but the sympathy- well last time he got dependant on it and started doing it regualry, I still get panic attacks when he's out of my sighta s a result. Didn't want to go that way again.

i don't know your whole story hun but from your post it sounds like you have said the right thing, you can't be expected to put up wiht that all the time if he isn't prepared to get help

Think you've done the right thing. Me and dh used to argue and he'd threaten to leave. Then I stood up for myself and told him to go if that's what he wanted. It really made him stop and think.

I hope you're ok and remmeber to look after YOU in all of this

The past story was that he ahd bouts of severe depression, lost a few jobs and it all culminated in police being called after he phoned me to say he would kill himself then hung up . He did try but lost his nerve I think. Police looked for half an hour then couldn't be arsed any further. I get the pressure atm-a s wella s friend he's not had much luck replacing his nightmare job and is still having to do it (albeit on sick tonight, and rightly so); we also tomorrow have to take our SN son to the Paeds, which has never been anything other than a disaster- getting someone tor ecognise his needs is hard. then ds3 has to have his speech evaluated by HV, and we have a meeting at school about ds1 Tuesday which last time ended in a right mess. I don't want to be additional stress, but i can't look after him for ever on my onw.

You said totally the right thing, I don't care if he is depressed or not he has no right to shout at you in public and threaten to leave you that is damn nasty and blackmail.

Stick to your guns, I am sure he knows which side his bread is buttered on.

Peachy, I know it's really hard, but I do think you have said the right things to him. If you're going to live long-term with someone with severe depression, you have got to have basic ground rules about exactly what you will and will not tolerate in terms of him taking things out on you. If you allow him to abuse and upset you to the point where it gives you panic attacks and affects your own health, then you are not going to be able to support him, hold the family together and do what is necessary to get him and the rest of you through the difficult patches. If there are no boundaries and he is allowed to use you as an emotional punchbag, you'll burn out and your relationship will fail, which would be disastrous for all of you. If you make it clear that there are lines he cannot cross and things you will not stand for, you have a better chance of going the distance with him and getting him to a better place in the long-term.

Hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in I have been supporting somebody (not dh) with severe, volatile depression for years, and have made a royal pig's ear of it Hang in there!

Thanks, I know
you're right. I let him do it a LOT lat time as I was scared, but I am stronger now and although I love him very, very much just can't go back there. he needs a CPN but has never been offered one. I felt really scared though, and that made me as it's been ages, eighteen months or so since his last attack and I thought it might be over and done with.

Give me half an hour though and if he's laste from dropping my parents off, i'll be panicking

Anyone know how to get a CPN?

I don't know exactly, but apparently (my GP told me) if you are concerned about the psychiatric health of a loved one, you can speak to their GP and the GP can then act if he/she feels it is necessary. It will be a one-sided conversation, because the GP is not allowed to discuss another patient with you - but they can write down and take note of what you say and act accordingly. I don't know beyond that though, but someone here must do.