Dont know what to think......

[amuma]

Hi ive changed my name for this as i post on mumsnet sometimes and dont talk about certain things. Basically i met my dh when we were both drunk and he told me he had 3 kids. A while later he told me he had 2 kids but some girl accused him of being the father and when the baby was born it didnt look like him. And that hed slept with her once. Its been at the back of my mind for years. He said he was drunk when he told me he had 3 and that he should have said he had 2 but got accused of getting a girl pregnant. Anyway ive been with him for years now and i asked him last night when he had a good drink in him why he told me he had 3 kids the first night i met him. He said he only slept with her twice (he told me ages ago it was once) and that his friend worked out the date she got pregnant and he wasnt living in that town at that time and it couldnt be his. And that there was probably a few other guys who could be the dad of the child. I said did you ever see the child and he said no, but he told me years ago he seen it and it didnt look like him. I think he forgot he told me that. I dont know what to think. I hope he doesnt read this as he knows i post on here. Hes been a good dh to me and has never lied since being with me and never cheated on me but im wondering is he covering up things from his past. I dont live where he was brought up and ive never met his old friends etc so there is noone i could ask. And i know he was a bit of a lad before he met me to say the least. He told me all about his past, people he slept with etc. Because he wanted to be honest. But this is one subject i feel im never going to get an anwer, maybe he is telling the truth i just dont know. Sorry this is so long.

Perhaps you could ask him when he hasn't had a drink?

Ive done that once but he denies the child is his. So i didnt feel i could mention it again till last night. And i feel i cant bring up the subjsct again cause it could turn into an argument.

does he ever see the child in question? Do you think he is paying maintenance and not telling you?

my dh often tells me things that have a differnt take when drunk/sober. I am a second wife and he forgets sometimes who he is speaking to i think!.We all cover somethings form our past in a some small way maybe its something that you just have to forget. He appears to be a super husband to you

No he definitely doesnt see the child. And i know all the money that comes into the household as i deal with the money and pay the debts etc. I think hes not admitting he thinks it might be his.

I agree with nicnakc. Life is too short to spend your time worrying about 'what ifs'. You could try to approach him one more time and ask him if he would like to find out if the child is his. But don't forget to take into account how you would feel if it turns out he does have another child.

i think your right nicknack but im worried in case one day a few years down the line someones going to come to my door saying dh is their father. If i thought that was going to happen id like to know for sure he is the dad. I cant understand why he told me he got accused of it but wont admit being the dad. Surely if he thought he wasnt he wouldnt have told me? If he wasnt in the town at that time and is 100% sure hes not the dad he didnt need to tell me then. As i dont know his old friends etc.

certainly i agree it would be a concern but in all honestly i think he would already have been told for sure and be paying for the child.

Bacause i dont know anything about this girl, things are going round in my head. Like maybe after my dh denied it was his maybe she met somebody who brought the child up as his own. I think i just have to forget about this as its doing my head in.

trouble is the more you think about it the more it will eat away at you. maybe you do just have to bite the bullet an ask dh without drink even if it does cause an arguement. i know that my dh had many relationships after his divorce and before he and i started seeing each other. we have known each other through work. He is a dh and i know would not do anything to hurt me. you have to draw a line under what was then and now. I have done things in my past that dh doesnt know about and i will never tell me and vice versa. If there is that knock at the door you will have to deal with it then and not prempt the situation or it will drive a wedge. Hope it solve itself soon.

Thanks for the messages, i think i just needed to write down what im thinking. Dh obviously doesnt want to talk about it again after last night. I think ill wait a while and bring this up again and see what he says but ill do it without any alcohol either way.