We have had ongoing issues with my inlaws since I met dh 20 years ago.
To cut a very very long story short my FIL is a narcissistic bully and my MIL is a very troubled individual whose approach to her children is very much divide and conquer. She can also be quite paranoid and totally unreasonable. They have done some awful things over the years. A few years ago dh and I had a big rethink on how to handle them better and it has improved things enormously. At the time I was at the point of wanting to go non-contact but we have managed to get to a compromise where we see them a few times a year and keep visits fairly short and superficial. We don't jump through their endless hoops any more and ignore any resulting tantrums. I should add that dh and I are in total agreement on this, I have always always said to him that he can see them as much as he wants but he's never wanted to increase the number of visits. We always see them over the Christmas period but not on Christmas Day.
Anyway, a few days ago we had an email from SIL gushing about her parents and saying we need to set up a rota system for hosting them on Christmas Day and it's our turn basically (they went to her last year). I actually feel quite sick about the thought of spending Christmas Day with them (actually we already have tentative plans) Also as adults I feel dh and I should be able to make our own Christmas plans and not be dictated to!
Dh's stress levels (and mine) have gone through the roof since this email arrived. I'm not sure how we should respond. I'd prefer to avoid WW3 kicking off if possible. I feel like I lose all perspective of what's fair or reasonable with my PIL - they expect us to behave like doting children no matter what they do. (This email from SIL is undoubtedly instigated by MIL)