Someone hand me a grip

[DramaticEntranceOnAZebra]

I am currently seperating from my H which I guess is why this is all being raked up.

I had a friend who I was massively, obsessively in love with. Absolutely fucking crazy about him. We had a bit of a weird friendship in that we flirted a lot, things got too close for comfort and then one of us would make a nasty comment or take the piss and we would fall out. On my side I was doing this to protect myself from heartache and keeping a distance, on his side I don't know if he was doing the same or if he never really liked me. The only ever physical happening was one kiss, one fucking amazing kiss.

He moved abroad and we continued to speak a lot, every day, for years. Mostly via facebook but the odd phonecall. In this time I got married, he was sleeping around and taking drugs and generally having a good time as he always had done. He took the piss out of me for my settled lifestyle but would occasionally say things like 'ditch your husband and move out here, marry me'. I never took it seriously. After a while our chat got a bit stale and boring and we talked less and less, eventually he deleted me from Facebook and stopped calling. I was upset at the loss of our friendship but life moves on, this was about 2 years ago that we lost contact.

Lately I have been thinking about him A LOT. I have just looked him up on facebook (I know, I know) and seen that he is married with a young baby. My face did this for an incredibly long time! He was really, really not the married with kids type, which is half the reason I held back from getting involved because I am, and knew it'd end in heartache for me.

I am just distraught, what does she have that I didn't? I realise people grow, and change, but why now? Why couldn't he have wanted all of this with me?

I can't stop thinking about how different my life would have been if I had married him instead of my H. He was everything that my H is not, fun, strong-willed, intelligent, he had a fire under him and he excited me like no one else ever has.

I feel I wasted my life by never taking the chance and making a move. What if he had said YES and it was me he was married to now?

Please help me get over this! It's pathetic.

I have also noticed that they got married not long after he stopped talking to me, but he never mentioned her or having a girlfriend. I find this weird.

It's not worth thinking all those "what ifs", it never happened that way.

You were obvioulsy very good friends but, for him anyway, you were no more than that, you were never "the one" and obviously the woman he has settled down with is. It is just the way things go.

Don't contact him any more, just let it go. he is happy so be happy for him too.

I had one of those. I nearly endangered my whole relationship and way of life because of him. Thankfully I finally realised what a nobber he was, just in time and binned him.

We stayed FB friends, but when I announced that my lovely DP and I were expecting DD on there, he unfriended me quick smart. I figured he was just keeping me on there in the hope of an away-day quickie shag once in a while.

He was no loss. That's probably what you were to this guy too. Don't waste another second of your life thinking about this twat.

Sorry, I'm projecting. Perhaps he wasn't the twat that mine was.

He fell in love and got married. Happens.

Something stopped you from taking him seriously. You were almost certainly right - if he'd actually wanted to marry you, he might, for example, have been in the same country as you, or proposed in a way that didn't involve Facebook. Imagine if you had gone out there, thrown up everything to be with him, and he'd carried on with his party lifestyle until he met this someone else and fell in love with her. What a car crash that would have been and how miserable you would have been then. -

I think that there are a lot of false assumptions in your post! What suggests that he'd have been a better husband than the man you married? Nothing in your descriptions suggests this. And what makes you think that the woman he married is better than you? She was just different, not better.

Would it help to think that this is just an emotionally turbulent and difficult time for you and this is just a distraction from more real, painful problems? I'm not sure but I suspect that that would be the reason if this were me thinking like this.

think you've had a shock, and that's all it is. It wasn't meant to be for all the reasons you said, the fact you'd flirt then it would all go pear shaped.

He was probably only wanting you when he couldn't have you.

Sounds like you were keeping him on the back burner.

He held a torch for you but has to live his life.

As did you.

And them he fell in love and did the right thing to delete you from FB etc because maybe he still had feelings for you but wanted to avoid jeopardising his new life.

It's your ego that's pissing you off.

You thought he would always be an option for you, a exit route. He can't be now.

So now is the time to look at your own life. Are you happily married? Where do you want to go and do?

Don't start chasing this ex flame on the hope he will ditch his new family and declare undying for you. It won't happen.

He was mean to you, did drugs and encouraged you to cheat on your husband.

Why on Earth do you think he'll make a good partner?

He won't have changed! It just looks like he has from an outsiders perspective. I GUARANTEE he is just as much of a fuck up in that relationship as he was when he was stringing you along.

Oh I have absolutely no intention of contacting him. It's just a bunch of 'what-ifs' that are troubling me.

Just about anyone would be preferable to my current husband, which is why we have split. I think the split is clouding my judgement for sure.

Ohhhhhh you've split from your current partner? That's why you're probably hankering after a rose tinted past.

Exciting times lie ahead for you. No going over old ground. It's all about NEW adventures!