what is it about weddings?

[DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld]

It seems to bring out the worst in all of us. I'm grouchy because it's not the wedding I wanted. DP is worried about the cost, which wouldn't be so high if we'd done what I wanted. My mother is still NC, thank god, but my dad is too wrapped up in his new family to answer his phone, so I'm freaking out about whether he'll show up for his suit fitting. ILs are dealing with a crisis right now, so I understand why they're stressed, but they're taking it out on DP. And we've completely lost control of the wedding plans, ILs just took over without so much as a by-your-leave. It's causing so many arguments between me and DP, I almost want to call the whole thing off!

Argh. Roll on the hen do, I feel the urge to get plastered.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm getting married on the 5th of November and I was getting so stressed and hung up over it. It was getting out of control, originally we planned to have a quiet, casual wedding with about 15 people there but we ended up inviting about 40 people who all ended up fighting with each other and causing me so much stress (not great as I'm 33 weeks pregnant) so we just went "fuck this" and uninvited everyone apart from 7 people. We're doing this our way and that's that. Best of luck to you

I called it all off.

We planned a wedding, which was exactly what we wanted. All hell broke loose in that.. underhand..passive aggressive. .guilt and manipulationkind of way. I don't think Anyone understood how much I'd sacrificed to pay for the wedding. working myself into the ground but thought it would be worth it. Wasn't even a huge do at all. Honest. No sit down meal etc.

I cancelled the lot. lost alot of money. ..time..effort. . god the stress. Unbearable.

Now we are running away. No one knows and im so glad. But ill never forgive the people who ruined our plans and for denying me the wedding I truly wanted. I know now running away is our only option. And asap. I want it over with. And it'll be a wonderful day all about us.

But im heartbroken my sister won't be there because other people made it all or nothing. :-(

With the money lost we can't even afford a huge party after.

God.. im angry all over again now!

Well, my dad hasn't bothered with the suit fitting. I give up. I'm just going to stop trying to arrange things, if DP wants anything done he can do it himself.

Cling onto the fact that it's you and DP getting wed the PILs can take on the bulk of the arrangements it won't stop the day being special. Are you going away anywhere afterwards? Hope it all comes right and after you say "I do" you'll both relax.

Ha, no, no honeymoon. Going to Egypt next year (hopefully) for a week, just the two of us.

If I had my way, we'd have got married in the registry office months ago and buggered off to the pub after.

Now he's seen how much hassle it's all turning out, would DP be persuaded to elope instead?

Weddings are stressful - I know DH and I had a lot of arguments while planning ours. Looking back it was over stuff that didn't really matter, but at the time it seemed very important. It sounds as though you have a difficult family situation too.

However, why have the ILs taken over? Are they paying for it? If so, then you have less control, to be honest. If not, take control back!!!

If you're paying for everything, why have you let them get so involved in the first place? I must admit DH and I presented most things as a done deal to everyone, though made an effort to be considerate of other peoples' needs eg: the venue for the meal was fairly child-friendly as there were several small children at the wedding.

However, I must admit this was made easier by the fact we live about 200 miles away from our families :)

ILs are paying for it, but they insist that they just want us to have the wedding we want. I got overruled due to expectations of what a wedding should be like. To me, it's about the marriage, not the wedding, if that makes sense.

Unfortunately eloping isn't an option, venue's already paid for.

It just feels like everyone is putting their ideas over mine. I wouldn't feel so crap about it if they didn't all insist that it's "my day". Well clearly not, since I seem to have very little say.

don't

so was mine. I lost alot of money.

but it was better than the alternative.

To me, it's about the marriage, not the wedding, if that makes sense.

Total and complete sense.

Maybe PILs should wear the bride and groom outfits and make all the speeches since they're taking charge!

A few years ago, we went through this sort of thing too.
We didnt want any children apart from our own at wedding as my family with cousins have 21 children between them, all from ages of 2-10 - no thanks. MIL went bonkers when I said I only wanted my own there, and tried to get me to book a separate room in the venue, and a nanny and children's entertainer too. Which of course I would be paying for. She also wanted about 100 unknown relatives there. One of my cousins started harassing me about her daughter being a bridesmaid, and then stated she would bring her anyway even without an invite dressed in the bridal colours.
Couldn't be arsed with it all and knocked it on the head. Weddings really bring out the worst in people.