Has anyone had a good experience of Couples' Counselling?

[JacqueslePeacock]

I'm going through some difficulties with DH (no abuse or affairs, just communication issues and stupid patterns of behaviour - mostly mine) so we've been seeing a Relate counsellor. I feel like it's making no progress at all.

Last week the therapist suggested I pack in my career and become a SAHM or PT schoolteacher instead as it would be better for my DC. This week she didn't seem to listen to DH or me at all and instead offered us lots of "advice" which clashed drastically with what we were telling her. Is this normal?? I had really high hopes but it just seems to be a waste of time.

Part of my problem may be that I had a lot of childhood abuse and still have many issues relating to this, which the current therapist just seems to be ignoring. She changes the subject if I bring it up.

Has anyone had anything positive come from couples' counselling? Should we look for a private counsellor instead? Or just give it up as a bad idea?

Over the years, dh and I have seen quite a lot of different people. They had to listen to both of us and not take sides. We went through quite a lot of counsellors. When you DO find someone, it can be immensely helpful and it is easier to move on one way or the other when you are more aware of the dynamics of the relationship. We saw a dreadful woman once who took sides. She was awful. We found someone else.

There are lots of us who've experienced horrible things, so you are not alone! When you were a child, you had no choice. It took me a long time to realise that it was not my fault. AT ALL.

We see someone in Norwich. If you like I'll pm you. The dreadful woman was in Norwich too.

Ziplex - what are the other options you speak of, apart from Relate?
Also, what do you mean by 'stick rules' - could you expand on that?
Genuinely interested. Thanks.

Hi Jacques sorry we are a loooong way away from each other! Second what Ziplex and Tiger said in that I think it is such a personal thing - you might sit down with our counsellor and not get anything from it. You need to find someone who works for you, which clearly your previous counsellor did not. Frankly she sounds a bit pants and as though she did indeed have her own (misogynistic?) agenda.

I would also say that you cannot hope to sort out how you and DH relate to one another without dealing with your own issues at the same time. Hence counsellor shying away from your childhood abuse seems ridiculous to me.

I hope you can find someone local enough to you (is Norwich any good?) who can support you both together and individually to move forward in a positive way. I think DH and I will always be prone to 'taking things the wrong way' and such, and perhaps will always benefit from the odd session. All good stuff if you find the right person.