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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I haven't got the guts to leave...

1 reply

Mom1305 · 14/10/2013 16:18

Me and my fiancé have been together for 11 years lived together for 5 and have a 9 month old, we've always had a relationship where I felt I was always more interested than him... Anyways lately we've been having such horrible arguments and have come to a dissension that we have both lost respect for each other, these arguments get so bad i carnt bare to look at him and it takes me a few days to like him again! we've agreed I'll stay at home with little one until she's about 2 so at first we had horrid arguments about the house work and he said I wasn't doing enough even tho I was a new mom at home trying my best, arguments about sex ... Yes I agree its rare but I'm just not interested. I've said I'll leave a few times ...apart of me really wants to go and see if I miss him and I might run back after a day and a part of me is worried ill like it! He is happy to stay together for sake of little one but is this always right? Have we run our course or are we a typical ' new parents ' when were good were good but when were bad were bad..... There are times at night when baby in bed I go upstairs for night and he stays down stairs, he doesn't get up in night last night she was up for 3 hrs and he never even heard her or me huffing around. He always throws the ' I go to work comment at me' I carnt see a further sometimes .....

OP posts:
BramshawHill · 14/10/2013 20:00

Its completely down to you whether you leave or stay, I can only give you my experience - I was with my ex for four years before we had a baby, the past year has been awful due to his selfish 'I work so shouldn't be expected to help raise the baby' attitude, I was miserable all the time, we argued every day. I was too scared to leave and it became normal, being unhappy was an everyday thing to me.

Even from where I stood, looking at the next 50/60 years of constant unhappiness, I felt I couldn't leave because I wasn't confident I could make it on my own with a baby. I'd resigned us to a lifetime of misery with someone who didnt care about us enough to change.

in the end, I was forced to leave (due to circumstances out of my control) but you know what? I'm so, so much happier - the baby isn't witnessing her dad screaming and punching the dog, none of us are flinching when he enters a room anymore, it sounds ridiculous but I go around the house singing or whistling constantly because we're no longer living under this cloud of malcontent.

sorry for the essay but your post sounds so much like where I was about 2 months ago.

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