police

[kelly21]

i reported my bf for a domestic i said i dont want to take it any further but there going to arrest him anyway what will happen i am really worried

What are you worried about exactly? Do you live together?

Why are you worried and what actually happened?

Without knowing what happened no one can tell you what may happen.

it was an argument that got out of control he didnt actually hit me but broke my glasses i overracted i was just as bad as him i dont want him getting into trouble

no we dont live together

Kelly, if the police want to prosecute, then they think that the assault on you was serious. As for him not getting into trouble, he chooses to control his temper or not, and there is NO excuse for violence. Have a good think about how this relationship will pan out. In a healthy relationship, an argument won't get out of control and escalate into violence. Not ever.

then what do i do? do i ring the police and tell them i hit him so in reality i done worse than him i am just as bad?

kelly - I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I hope you're ok.

The police have what is called a "positive action policy" for domestic abuse. Depending on what has happened and how serious it is, there are a range of options available to them but they are not allowed to ignore it. The fact that they want to arrest your BF suggests they think it's more than a heated argument in which someone's glasses got broken.

If your glasses were on the table and he smashed them, that's one thing (although it's still unacceptable behaviour), but if you were wearing them at the time, then he has assaulted you regardless of whether he made contact with your body or not. You would be well advised to call of the relationship before you end up living together and any abuse escalates (which it will).

Did you hit him first? In some cases abuse victims will 'provoke' the abuser or make the first strike. People who have studied abusive relationships believe that this is the victim's subconscious attempt to gain some control over the situation. Basically, they know a showdown is building up so they attempt to manipulate where and when it happens. This plays into the hands of the abuser because they are able to blame the victim by saying "you started it". Is there any element of that in your relationship?

If you are both characteristically violent you'd still be better off calling off the relationship, because it is obviously very dysfunctional.

I hope you are ok.

tell the police the truth and then walk away from the relationship - no good can ever come out of something which so easily gets out of hand.

i hit him first then he pulled my glasses off and stod on them he does have a temper and some people my not agree but he controled himself he left so nothing further he said he pushed me to it and its my pregnancy hormones thats why i hit him buts thats no excuse i didnt control myself

Spoke to my police officer daughter. They may want to pursue a charge of assault against you also.

Probably not a good position for either of you to be in and doesn't sound like a relationship to pursue for either of you.

Police have to prove positive action for all dv reports, at least they do in these parts!

So it sounds like you were physically abusive first and you called the police to report violence against you, from your partner? Reading quickly so hope I haven't missed the point!

It sounds like its over, hitting someone is an instant end for me.
You need to think whether you want the relationship and if so, whether hitting him isn't a deal breaker in his mind.

were not together but i still dont want him getting into trouble no concentrate you read right

Sorry I thought it was your boyfriend/father of your child to be.

yes hes the father of my unborn

I don't know, have some space. Tell him to get some help with his temper and, you, get some help with your domestic violence

its him who has dv issues in the past just hes never hit mei know we were both wrong and shouldnt be together i just wanted to kniw what the police would do

kelly, you mention that you are pregnant. If so expect a visit from SS. They will be very concerned about this man and the effect of this relationship on your unborn baby. Arguing and fighting is very damaging to the fetus. Your cortisol levels rise which is passed through to babe. Also they can hear shouting etc.

So, you need to think about why you don't want the police to prosecute...it won't reflect well on you and your efforts to keep your baby safe. Also, you say he has previous form for DVD. Well, the police probably know a lot more about this than you do.

DV very often starts in pregnancy and almost always escalates.

Do the right thing. Cease all contact, cooperate with the police and SS and contact Women's Aid for more support.

I'm sorry but you have to do this.

Good luck and keep posting for advice.

Kelly, so do you have DV issues. You should get some support with it.

so he's had issues in the past and you knew you shouldn't be together yet you got pregnant by him

it all came out after i rang the police i knew nothing thought i finally found happines in him

Kelly
While ago I rapoted mine ex to the police
There wasn't any physical violence in our relationship
Not from mine site anyway just mental and verbal abuse
But I have done the biggest mistake of my life because
I didn't press the charges

And even bigger one afterwards because I come back to him
After that he made my life a living hell

So if you have choice stay away from him before he will try to completely break you down like my did

Mine ex is absolutelly winner
And I have to admit I let him to do it

But like somebody already said if you actually hit him first be honest and talk to the police explain them situation before it will destroy your and your unborn baby life

Kelly please contact your local Women's Aid, they can support you with making decisions and informing yourself about DV and its impact on you and your baby, and also to address your own behaviour (as you mentioned you felt you have both behaved violently). You do not deserve this and neither does your baby, and there are people you can reach out to. Good luck x