Just back from my mum's. Dd did not like her! Help!

[hellbell]

DH, DD and myself went to visit my parents for a few days, and my DD did not like my mum holding her at all. She was OK with my dad, brother and SIL!? DD is 9 months old and my parents live a long way away, so she doesn't see them very often. My mum seemed genuinely upset by this, and I know from experience that she is hard to please, so it is probably going to be my fault.
Could it be that my mum smokes and DD does not like this? What can I do to make us visiting less stressful? Help? I want my mum to love DD as much as we do.:-(

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it takes my DD a good day to come round to my in laws at each visit. I hate to see them being hurt by her initial rejection but she does come round after a while if left to come round on her own terms. Unfortunately they smoke and am sure this puts her off, along with them rushing her and smothering her with too much attention. I know she would come roud faster if they just gave her more space but hard to tell them that when they miss her and are desperate for a cuddle. Oh well, I guess when she is older and has a better memory it might improve. Can sympathise though.

I used to beg my mum to give up smoking, Twiglett, but she has been doing it for too long and is genuinely addicted. I can't see her giving up, although it could be the motivation that she needs. I will give it the time that you mention.

Stripy mouse, did the situation put a strain on your relationship with your parents? I got a distinctly frosty shoulder when Mum gave DD back to me.

Will looking at and talking about pictures of my parents help to make them a bit more permanent in DD's mind? Or is she too young yet?

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My DD screamed whenever my mum came near her. After she came to stay dd eventually got to like her but will not be helb by her or comforted and will not let her feed her, but she will play etc
my mum also smokes and I know this is it as dd has wailed at another friend who smokes too
My DD also has hyper senses due to a genetic condition, she hears sounds louder and smells smellier.
On the other side my MIL and FIL who dd rarely sees but 4 times a yr, she will be held and left with them happily.
I have put it down to smoking, either that or my dd is good judge of character LOL

I agree with Galaxy about it being partly an age thing. At that age dd was really reluctant to go to anyone. Especially MIL in fact. It was v. embarrassing as we're far from family too and MIL sort of wanted to 'bond' with dd but everytime she picked her up, dd screamed her head off!! My mom was a bit better in that she recognised dd's need to not be held and sort of got to know her 'from a distance' if you see what I mean and now dd adores her and strokes her photo when I get it out for her to see and says 'bogbah' (can't pronounce grandma). She's 16 months now and things definitely got better around the 12-13 month mark.

By the way, none of my relatives smoke. I'm sure babies can smell it but they also encounter all sorts of smells that we've probably forgotten are there so I wouldn't jump to the conclusion it's to do with smoking.

Thanks everyone. I hear what you are saying, Evita, it is just that we all want to find a reason when things aren't quite as we would like them. I suppose that was the most obvious thing. Seems a bit of a coincidence, though? I am sure that it will not be long until she is fine with mum.
Galaxy, thanks for your bit. I am sort of glad (does that sound right?) that it is not just me IYKWIM. Mum is a bit loud, but certainly not overbearing. Maybe she is just different.
Thanks once again.

I think your mum should be a bit more grown up about it all actually - rather than take offence. Babies do this sort of thing sometimes for no apparent reason(react badly to certain people)...my dd went through a stage of not liking any adult men other than her daddy (so both grandfathers were snubbed)...they soon grow out of it