Family Problems - Part 1

[PermanentlyDieting]

Hello, This story is very specific, so if you know me, please don’t out me – I’m desperate.
There are several issues here – don’t know whether to break them all down or not – but basically – the culmination of all of these problems is leaving me spiralling into depression.
I am married with two boys. Marriage fine, kids fine.
Problem 1 – My husband’s sister was killed many years ago – she had a baby daughter who went to live with her grandparents (my in-laws). We thought this was the very best decision for her at the time. We have always played a very active role in her care – taking her on holidays and day trips as one of our own. Now, my mother in-law is terminally ill and we are taking a much bigger role in her care. My problem is although she is being well cared for on a normal basis, the personal care details are being overlooked. Her hair is often unwashed – which I have broached with her, but it’s not getting through. I have taken her to buy bras as she now needs them, but often doesn’t wear them, when she needs to. Her dress is often inappropriate – not only for her age, but for weather conditions etc… I am losing sleep over this and don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. In fact – this is so long – I am going to post the other half of my problem in a separate post. Thanks in advance. I’m fragile – please be nice.

[PermanentlyDieting]

Thank you! I do her hair when she has a party or school disco. I like the idea of a pamper session - I have two DS's so I don't get one very often!
I do all her shopping now, but she mismatches with old clothes. I like the idea of packing the summer stuff away to help her pick her clothes easier.
Although they are very well off my MIL usually brought her clothes from a charity shop (and dressed her as though they were the same age), fur trimmed wool coats, hand knitted jumpers/ cardigans. Whatever fits, as opposed to what matches / is in fashion. DN feels she should wear these as long as she can because 'Nan bought them'. I try my best to jazz the outfits up, but sometimes it's an impossible task!
Luckily FIL just says 'taker her shopping and tell me what I owe you'.
I guess they won't fit her much longer and then she will be entirely into her new wardrobe.