I'm just so angry

[TheWasp]

I've NC and I'm not sure if this is really the right topic, but I just need to get it written down, because it is driving me insane.
For the past few months I've found myself getting increasing angry at everyone around me, all the time.
I'm angry with DH for not pulling his weight with the kids, he works long hours and his days off consist of sleeping in very late, then sitting around in the house doing fuck all with them.
My parents are driving me up the fucking tree, my mum is extremely childish and selfish, and my dad is a mister fucking know-it-all who talks as if what he says goes, and he is never wrong.
It's always been a little strained with my in laws (we are very different people) but recently I just cannot tolerate them at all. MIL is manipulative and two faced and FIL constantly questions everything I do, and previously I'd dismiss it, thinking, 'that's just the way he is,' but yesterday he started up again, and I just felt like he thought I was a fucking idiot.

I know I sound like a fucking teenager and that's how it feels. I just have this impotent rage which I have to keep hidden, because these people haven't changed, they've always been like this, everyone has good points and bad points and the good outweighs the bad, but I cannot cope any more. Something has changed in me and I'm just so angry all the time.

I'm honestly petrified of confrontation so I just keep it to myself because I'm hardly the golden wife/daughter/daughter-in-law myself, and nothing will change and I'd just feel worse along with everyone else.

I don't want to feel like this any more. I don't want to only see the worst in people.

You don't sound like an angry teenager at all! You sound like a very stressed mother who is doing too much and is approaching the end of her tether.

FWIW, if my DH was lying in bed half the day and not pulling his weight with the DC, I'd be livid too.

Am I right in thinking that you do the lion's share of all things domestic? Cooking ,cleaning, packed lunches, dentists' appointments, shopping?

Massive, massive leap here just on one OP, so I'm happy to admit I could be completely wrong, but given the way you describe your parents and your PILs, it sounds as though you've been socialised into putting up with crap your whole life, so it isn't that surprising that you've ended up with someone who's prepared to make their life more comfortable on the back of you over-stretching yourself because that's the model he's been raised with himself.

If you feel yourself getting depressed and angry, first make sure you're not surrounded by arseholes before you start blaming yourself, and all that.

If your DH is basically a good man and has just got into this habit, it could be worth a good long discussion about your relationship and your respective roles in it, with a view to making things more balanced and you happier.

That's a thoughtful post from Dahlen.

Can you avoid the parents and PILs? I would try to get some distance from them whilst trying to engage with your husband about how he needs to do some actual Parenting and all that entails.

You sound so stressed. Sympathies. I have been there.

I'd suggest tackling each thing one at a time, save your energy, channel the rage. Work from inside the home outward ie focus on DH first, parents last. Generally we can detach from parents and PILs more easily than our nearest and dearest.

I'm honestly petrified of confrontation so I just keep it to myself because I'm hardly the golden wife/daughter/daughter-in-law myself, and nothing will change and I'd just feel worse along with everyone else.

Big mistake. Stick to the facts - don’t go in all guns blazing. Imo it’s not worth being a people pleaser all of the time just to appease the people closest to you. It's worth any short-term atmosphere or sulks caused by speaking up compared to medium to long term discomfort of fuming but saying nothing and hoping they'll notice you are fed up and miraculously adapt behaviour. They'll think what they’re going to think and do what they’re going to do never mind how much you try to control that with people pleasing behaviour, so say it anyway.

This may be by the by so disregard if you want. I got to 40 and started standing up for myself like a switch went off in my head, I called it being self-assertive and not putting up with crap to keep the peace but oddly, mainly the males in my life noticed it and thought I was being unreasonably bolshie.

I know I sound like a fucking teenager and that's how it feels.

In my case I am 99% sure it was hormonal. We tick along for ages then at certain times of life we erupt. Any other changes? Health okay? You might consider getting your blood pressure tested.

Whoops phrased that badly. I don't mean, I was 'just' hormonal so magnified things in my head. I simply got to a stage in life, possibly in my own case triggered by changes, and thought actually, i don't have to tolerate this or put up with that, enough already. It's not being selfish or bossy.