I WANT OUT. ADVICE PLEASE

[notnotnee]

Hello, I have been with my husband 20 months and married for 1 year. (I know, very quick to marry). Without going into things too much, I want a divorce. He is a bully, lazy, controlling and always right.

I need to know whether he is entitled to any of my house. He moved in with me after 1 month so we have been living together for 19 months. He gives me money each month towards the running of the home. I work and contrtibute too.

Is he entitled to any of my house equity. I have no cash, just equity in my house. I have 2 children from a previous relationship. One at Uni and one at home.

Help !!!!

AFAIK, his entitlement should only be proportionate to the contribution he's made to the household. So very little, in fact.

I am not a legal expert, so please check with someone who is, but I'd have thought that with a marriage as short-lived as yours, he'd be entitled to only a very small amount. Do you think he's likely to try to push for anything?

Regardless, if you want it over, get him out now, as it will skew any odds in your favour. The longer you remain married, the more rights he will have.

Really, thats makes me feel better. I have worked very hard for what little I have. He says he wants me to sell my engagement ring and wedding ring and wants the money. He also paid for the majority of the wedding and wants that back ??? Yikes !!

You need appropriate legal advice from someone who is properly qualified, but after only 1 year of marriage, and from what you've written, it's unlikely that he'll be entitled to very much.
Get all your financial documentation together, prove what you pay for etc.
Above is applicable to English law. I have no idea about any other country.

I know someone who was in a similar situation and was married for about a year when they split up, he wanted half of everything even though he hadn't contributed to anything, moved into her house and wasn't on mortgage etc.

The solicitors asked him to provide bank statements etc., of any financial contributions he had made to the marriage and the house etc., of which he couldn't provide any.

It was decided he was entitled to half the increase in the value of the property in the time he had lived there, he had lived there for about 15 months and got £2500.

Again, I can only reiterate that you need proper legal advice, but I think he can whistle for the rings, and certainly for the cost of the wedding. I can't see any judge in the land agreeing with him about having the cost of the wedding back! The rings I think would be classed as gifts, so yours to do with as you please - unless they are family heirlooms that he can prove were given on the expectation that they would be handed on to any progeny or given back to him on divorce in order to keep them in the family. Like I say, I'm not an expert though.

He's basically trying it on. I think he saw you as a means of increasing his wealth, and now you're not playing ball, he wants to manipulate and intimidate you into actually buying him off. Don't let him.

Thank you all. I will seek legal advice today. I do hope he is not going to make this more horrible than it is already.

(((notnotnee))) how did things go so horribly wrong so quickly?

Vivacia - he changed. When we met, he was sociable, fun, up beat and helped around the home. Within 9 months he stopped wanting to socialize with any of my freinds, became a bit moody and obsessed with his laptop (he is a gambler), lazy around the house and very defensive if I mentioned I was not happy about anything. He seems very angry and I did not see this side to him. He has told me (infront of my kids) to "shut the fuck up" called me a "fucking slag", told me I am a "miserable old cow" and many more things. He is not the man I married.

In fact, having done some research on the internet, the general advice seems to be, not to get solicitors involved. Just do it ourselves and save a whole lot of money??

Oh goodness. That sounds horrific.

So am I right in thinking that you're currently at the planning stage? Or have you discussed separation with him?

Is your privacy on here safe, in terms of him checking up and finding this discussion?

You don't necessarily have to use a solicitor for the actual divorce process, but I'd strongly recommend getting some reliable legal advice before agreeing to anything.

Vivacia - Privacy safe. We have not discussed separation. Just going for divorce. It has been bad for a while. Good for 3 weeks, then massive row, good for 2 weeks, massive row. We cannot be together. Divorce is the only way forward.
Anniegetyourgun - I will get some level of advice. I think you are right.

Doing it yourselves is only advisable if there's not likely to be any contest or counter claims. Given that he sounds like a bit of a bastard, I wouldn't go it alone. If part of the settlement is a request that he pays your costs, he's less likely to piss about, even if that bit's not granted by the judge.

Oooh, goodness, you MUST get some professional advice re finances - you don't want him going after your money/assets. And I really would suggest a solicitor for the divorce, unless you are absolutely 100 percent certain he's not going to mess around.

My parents were together for 20 years and my Mum had to fight for years for a 50% share of the house as she was only 1 of 3 people named on the deeds. So I would imagine if you're the only legal owner of the house, you have a damn good claim for all of it.

If he paid a lot for the wedding, I'd give him the rings back.

You should keep the house; it's your home, for you and your children.

Imperialblether - that's a really good idea. I will offer the rings back and hope that he is happy with that. I don't think he is entitled to much other than that, based on what I have read. Thank you for advise.