Hi MN,
So I joined after reading a few threads and realising this might be one of the only places I could ask for opinions/advice on something which is, maybe, 'nothing to do with me'?
My parents have been married for over 25 years. I'm not sure how many. We live in a house together; my parents, my partner, me and my younger brother. After my partner and I moved out last year I started to realise I felt bad for my mum. My brother works full time (as does my dad) and she spends her evenings alone. She spends her evening after work and a jog/ride/swim, etc, settling down to watch telly and maybe have a cup of tea. My dad sets himself up on the other side of the room at the computer. Where he stays. For hours.
They're very different people so I know he's entitled to sit around listening to/discovering new music, looking at photography, editing his own photographs, etc, but he also spends a huge amount of time chatting to a woman from his past. I don't think they were ever an item- she married someone he knew vaguely, but he passed away a decade or so ago.
It really bugged me and whilst we were living in our own place I became a bit suspicious. He would close the 'chat' box with her down when I came near the computer, etc.
Since we've moved back I'm afraid I'm no less suspicious. He left himself logged in a few times and I've read some messages. They text a lot so I didn't get the full picture. Most of the messages were innocent about hobbies, families, etc. They obviously have a lot in common. But some messages also showed they'd been meeting up. He's definitely never mentioned this to my mum. He says he goes out with a work mate in the evening (male) every now and again (like every few weeks). I know he does go out with this guy as I've seen him a few times so maybe it's the truth? But the messages suggested they were meeting 'in secret'. Talking about places they 'obviously can't meet' and meeting up half way down/up motorways. Obviously even if they do meet up in secret it doesn't mean they're 'at it' but...
I pushed this to the back of my mind. If they did meet then he didn't tell my mum which is dishonest, but not proof of infidelity. In the last week, however, I saw some messages from her saying she found it hard to just be friends. "Good!" I thought "They're friends but she wants more, at least she isn't getting it". Then I saw that he'd said that he was keeping distance to save her any more heartache. She told him that she couldn't stand his 'other life' and felt like she had been treated as a 'play thing'. Some reference about acting like kids together. I tried not to think that was sexual :/
Now yesterday mum sprung on me she wouldn't have the car for a bit. They were having a trial separation (for 4 days?). Not to be alarmed. She seems fine. They both seemed fine.
I really haven't known what to do. Do I tell my dad that I'm not sure he should be spending all his time speaking to women (woman) online? Do I tell my mum I'm suspicious? Do I leave it and hope that maybe she already knows and that's what this is all about?
I just don't know if I'm being completely nosey and strange in even making it my business. I've never got on that great with my dad and am a paranoid person generally so could not stand to ruin my parents' relationships because of my issues but it doesn't seem right for her to be in the dark about this! Thanks in anticipation! I hope I've given enough information....