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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Slave to a poorly family

25 replies

YesAnastasia · 12/10/2013 13:20

Yes I'm here to moan because in RL I'm kindness and selfless personified.

I fight a daily battle to not be taken for granted, be dumped upon, treated like a non-person by my family. I win mostly (with DC at least). Not this time. They've got a sickness bug.

I have managed 2 sleepless nights - next to vomiting children holding a towel and a bowl - while DH slept because he has to go to work. No w he has it and I hate him.

While I was writing this, he shouted me because he wanted a bowl in case he doesn't get to the toilet in time. If he doesn't get his 37 year old adult arse to the toilet in time and vomits in a fucking bowl I will kill him.

That is all.

OP posts:

BadSeedsAddict · 12/10/2013 13:22

Massive sympathy!! Been there and done that. God it's awful. Hope everyone gets better soon for your sake!

glastocat · 12/10/2013 13:24

Err, he is ill too? I'm sure he doesn't actually want to be puking in a basin! Sounds like there are deeper issues here, and I do appreciate how grim it is looking after sick people. Not sure if you are just venting, but saying you hate your husband because he is sick seems totally OTT!

FriskyHenderson · 12/10/2013 13:29

If I was sick and worried I wouldn't make the toilet, then I'd either make a bed on the bathroom floor, or get my own bowl. I wouldn't expect my DH to run around after me.

Will he be running around after you when you get it?

BadSeedsAddict · 12/10/2013 13:39

...or is he the type who will expect you to clean up his puke when you would never expect him to do the same for you?

Original poster

YesAnastasia · 12/10/2013 13:39

I have had no sleep, feel a bit dodgy myself (but OK) and he bugs the shit out of me when he's ill. His voice changes & he moves all slow (even with a hangover) and I just hate him.

I would never say this out loud - this is basically thinking and typing to strangers.

He's just said - in his weak, quiet voice - that I am causing him unnecessary stress by telling him that he can get to the bathroom himself and not to vomit in a bowl by the side of our bed. Child vomit is one thing, grown man poor little victim vomit is entirely another.

OP posts:

uptheanty · 12/10/2013 13:42

Last time we were all sick my 15 yr old ( YES 15 ),
Came into my room and vomited on my bed while I was sleeping in it!!!!

She said she "wanted me to see the sick so I'd know she was ill"!! ??

uptheanty · 12/10/2013 13:43

Quite right too yes

CookieDoughKid · 12/10/2013 13:45

So why put up with it his attitude when you are trying to do him a favour. Asking you nicely is appropriate, shouting at you is not. So tell him. My dh is sick at the moment but he's not rude.

BadSeedsAddict · 12/10/2013 13:45

Uptheanty

Original poster

YesAnastasia · 12/10/2013 13:45

Haha, jesus uptheanty Did you still have to be really loving and soothing...?

OP posts:

BadSeedsAddict · 12/10/2013 13:46

YesAnastasia he is being rude although I'd probably get him a sick bowl just to stop the whinging

pinksancerre · 12/10/2013 13:47

Complete sympathy with op! I would never vomit in a bowl at home, a usually fit and healthy person can get to loo! My husband does the weak whinge too....drives me crazy! have a

Original poster

YesAnastasia · 12/10/2013 13:51

He isn't shouting at me. He doesn't have the energy

I know I'm not very sympathetic when (grown) people are poorly, my DM never was/is. But I have a bit of pride and try to sort myself out wherever possible when I'm not well.

OP posts:

OneStepCloser · 12/10/2013 13:53

The weak winge is enough to push anyone over the edge, sympathies

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 12/10/2013 14:08

I don't see wanting a bowl as a big deal.

My dh was so ill a few weeks ago that he could hardly get out of bed so a bowl was essential. I don't see the big deal about that. Also the actual being sick can come on quite quickly and then what if someone else is in the loo.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 12/10/2013 14:11

Oh yeah weak voice

What's pissing me off is how Im just not allowed to be unwell. I look after everyone else but when i get ill dh has to go back to work so i just have to get on with it and look after the dcs and do everything i would otherwise. He gets to spend days laying around! I get about 20 minutes if Im lucky.

uptheanty · 12/10/2013 14:12

Sympathetic of sorts,shes still my child...only just , but entirely arsey and obviously pissed off!

My dh can sort himself out..within reason.

For example, today i'm quite poorly but the home simply doesn't operate between mumsnet with me being in bed, so i'm up and about getting on with it.

Dh says i can't be that ill as i went to work yesterday.
Works a bloody holiday

SpookyWerewolf · 12/10/2013 14:52

I used a bowl when I had all day morning sickness because often the urge to be sick would be very sudden. I don't see anything wrong with him having a bowl if he is emptying it straight away and cleaning it himself, better surely than an accident on the way to the bathroom? Unless you are certain he always has enough warning?

I do get a bit frustrated when DH is poorly, particuarly if its something minor because there always seems to be something and I am the "doesn't make a fuss" sort when I'm unwell. So I understand your frustration, but not him being unable to have a bowl.

ImperialBlether · 12/10/2013 16:00

Does he just want you to pass him a bowl or will he want you to clean it afterwards? Another adult would have to be VERY ill before I'd do that.

How will he treat you when/if you're ill?

Meerka · 12/10/2013 17:27

If you do get really sick, really fast then yeah you need a bowl (like Spooky above, I have the super-unpleasant sort of preg sickness where you jsut cant make it to the loo; sickbucket by bed, and a bedpan too, yuk )

But I woudl hope that if you are sick he would return the favour ! otherwise yeah, plenty of reason to moan

Original poster

YesAnastasia · 12/10/2013 22:34

The bowl wasn't really the issue

Anyway, I feel mega guilty because he's actually quite poorly now. I clearly doubted it earlier but now I have heard him in the loo (vomiting louder than I have ever heard anyone...) so I feel sorry for him and no longer hate him.

I will be having another sleepless night so it will be me who feels like death on Monday providing I have not caught their bug and DH will be at work away from the sickhouse. The irony is not missed on me.

OP posts:

mumofthemonsters808 · 12/10/2013 22:43

Oh I've been here with this one. After cleaning spew every other night for 3 weeks, when DD had a severe case of gastro, I eventually snapped and woke him up to clean the bathroom floor because I was too exhausted and fed up to do it. To give him his due he obliged. But he seems to have reverted back to type, DS just had a sickness bug and we were again pretending to be asleep. Thankfully it was only a 24 hour thing.

I'm sorry to hear your OH has a sickness bug, I bloody hate this type of illness. Fingers crossed you do not get it because if your house is anything like mine, no one can function without you.

CailinDana · 13/10/2013 09:44

There is no wayy dh would expect me to go two nights without sleep. Even if he had to work surely he could stay up till 1am to allow you to have some sleep? No wonder you hate him if he is absolutely guaranteed a full night's sleep no matter what because his bowl carrying skivvy will look after his children 24 hours a day. Let him look after himself selfish prick.

ArtexMonkey · 13/10/2013 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lizzabadger · 13/10/2013 09:57

I think you have an unusual attitude towards sickness passed on from your mother. It's not a sign of weakness or a personality flaw to get ill from time to time. We all do it. Everyone can do with a bit of kindness (e.g. Bowl-passing) when they feel rough. It doesn't seem like much to do for someone you supposedly love.

The deeper issue is obviously your feeling of being a martyr to the family. Just don't do it then. Get a job (if you haven't already) then share out the chores and responsibilities equally between the adults in the house. If you don't want to get a job, share out the domestic responsibities between you so that you both get equal amounts of free-time. If your DH won't cooperate or come up with an acceptable solution you have the option of leaving.

You are not a powerless victim.

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