I need advice. I am a bad person.

[Sl1nkyMalinki]

I am awful. I feel awful. I want to hurt myself, I want my DH to hurt me.

There have been issues in our marriage for a few months, and we are in the process of moving. We are both ultra stressed. He is shouty, I am trying to avoid anything that would cause an argument. Consequently I haven't spoken to him as I normally would if something was bothering me. In this case, the fact I can't talk without causing an argument or being made to feel guilty, lack of affection from him, we have sex but it's not making love anymore, it's been lights out and a fuck for months.

So I have royally fucked up. I have been exchanging flirty facebook messages with a bloke I know. DH found the messages, because I am not a seasoned liar I didn't think to hide anything :(

I never wanted anymore than the attention. I never intended anything physical. I never intended to carry on any longer.

But it's too late. I don't know what to do. Please, please, please can someone help me? I need my DH, he is everything to me. I just don't know what to do.

You need to move out and be on your own for a while, he'll soon miss you. They always want what they can't have, well usually anyway. Marriages are hard work and you can take one another for granted, the moving out may throw some much needed fuel on the fire.

If anyone reads this, just thought I would add an update.

We had a huge heart to heart. He accepted everything I said, and we're talking years of resentment came out. Stuff that's been bottled for so long I'd almost forgotten.

I told him I take absolute responsibility for my actions and I can't blame him. And then I was fairly brutal I guess. We both cried, he accepts he has changed for the worse and that I seem to be back to my pre-baby state!

Lots of effort being made today, we've even started making plans for days out with our kids, a holiday next year, evenings out for the two of us. It's so so much better.

Thank you all! Early days, but I do think we may have saved this marriage :)

It's a step in the right direction anyway. My other half left for another woman without wanting to save anything, have no idea whether he's regretting it but once that happens there is usually no turning back so don't do anything daft. Men tend to be narcissistic and when children come along the spotlight as suddenly moved, so it's a good idea to make some time for one another without upsetting the kids too much. Good Luck.

SM - I hope you have However, please don't be embarrassed to come back if things don't change and you want some advice, strength or hugs OK.

You're not a bad person. You did a silly thing, which you are taking responsibility for.

You can get through this, and if it's what you both want then you will get through it with your marriage intact. It will be different, but try to learn from this and make your marriage better than before. There will be better days and worse days, but keep working on it.

Your update is encouraging.
I wish you all the best.

Lucca, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. You're absolutely right in that the spotlight moves and they don't cope with the change well.

Thank you Chipping, I will be back if I need more advice. I'm so glad I posted here, the help has been invaluable.

MN Rocks :)

Good news Slinky. Kicks up the ass come from all kinds of directions don't they? Good for you both for addressing things and I hope it improves for you.

Glad it turned out to be the kind of mistake that was a springboard for change. Stay strong.