how do i get someone to take over a problem

[mirtzapine]

DW leaves all the problems to me. Bills, debts, household stuff etc and I feel that I cant cope anymore.

Tommorw is going to be a pretty difficult day for me, our Au Pair is leaving between 10:30 and 12. DW is going to go out with the children so she doesn't have to be arround.

I have a feeling that the Au Pair isnt going to go easily, so I'm trying to get hold of the Community Support Team but their not answering the phone. I'm at home with two sick kids an Au Pair whose just staying in her room and I'm now off work diagnosed with depression. I think I'm at my wits end and don't know who to turn to.

I can kind of see why your DW wouldn't want the children to witness the au pair eviction but don't you have a friend that could take them for the day instead? Where is your DW now? At work?

yes at work... and I don't have any mates at all. Just feeling a bit lost and alone

and yes I do agree its a good idea doe her to take the kids out... but I dont want to handle the situation by myself

What would happen if you called her at work and insisted she take some time off? You're all sick in one way or another. Just how scary is this au pair? Can't you get her to leave now?

Definitely fix up some alternative care for DCs so they're out of earshot tomorrow and ask a female neighbour to step round if DW is adamant she won't be present.

It's unhelpful if DW dodges the less pleasant tasks of living together. If au pair is leaving under a cloud and you dread some sort of confrontation tomorrow at least enlist DW's help this evening. Make sure you present a united front. Any keys returned and you might want to check an inventory.

Is this au pair foreign, was she arranged through friends or an agency? I assume you're not throwing her out on the street. Is her language ability up to understanding what time to go, has she got transport sorted? Worth booking a dependable cab in advance and paying a fare to an agreed destination to make sure she has no excuse to linger.

Are you afraid of her physically or are you dreading a storm of tears? If her job has been terminated abruptly it will possibly be stressful but keep your distance don't bargain and certainly don't give her any cause for complaint of aggression or physical intimidation.

Worth trying your local police station non-emergency number to ask advice in case she kicks off tomorrow.

More afraid of myself than her, I've asked DW and she's agreed to stay... Fortunately our kids go to Chader so they have Saturday School tomorrow. so in the one hour gap when the kids are out and we're both at home.

The girls English so only has to go to Lewisham I guess.

Her job was terminated last week and she's only been with us for three (she caused alot of damage by flooding the bathroom) and she seems totally remorsless and doesn't appear to understand that the water damage is going to cost a lot. And while I'm not asking her to pay... I want just not to see her because of it.

Oh wait, this is the Au Pair from hell on the thread in AIBU? I think everyone was assuming there was a language/cultural problem. But she's from London? ok...

Well I didn't know the back story but assuming she is in her teens or just 20 she is perhaps young and thoughtless (and maybe not best cut out to have care of your DCS!) so bide your time, nearly over, keep hold of your temper.

thanks both, last thing i want is a shouting strop match going on so I think community support will be the way to go. I can explain (I hope) reasonably and responsibly to a community support officer and he can ensue that nothing untoward happens and then we can be free again and relax. Actually yes I think there was a cultural/language problem (poor taste joke there - please don't get worked up

Sounds like that the thought of the confrontation was stressing you out, but you've hopefully got a plan to deal with that now.

More generally, I think you need to tell your wife what you've said in your OP - that you are suffering from depression and cannot cope with with all the responsibility for all the household stuff at the moment. Sit down with her and go through what needs to be done and discuss which of these she could take on responsibility for (either temporarily or permanently).

Its hard when someone you love is experiencing depression as you can feel that there is nothing you can do to help, I am sure that if she is supportive that she will be relieved that there are practical things she can do that would help take the pressure off.