Oh Craptime, I feel for you SO much! What a hideous situation. Your poor mum and dad and poor you. Let me give you a big hug and a cup of tea/coffee or something stronger.
I really empathise regarding your mum, as mine died this time last year. My dad died the year before and my two sisters were behaving in a not dissimilar way to your husband, I stayed in the hospital room with my mum for about a week and a half, until she died, not wanting her to be alone. My sisters could not understand this and refused to stay too, so I felt very alone.
However, my husband was very supportive and I could not have coped without him.
You are under immense stress. Please don't feel guilty about Mumsnetting, it's the support you need and are lacking so much at home.
I used to be a nurse, so I have a little background knowledge.
Firstly, it's really important that you take care of yourself. You have 2 small children and a difficult husband AND you're doing a degree!!
This would be enough to send a lot of people over the edge, without the enormous trauma of what you're going through with your mum.
Can you request a break from your degree for a while, to lessen the burden on you? I'm sure that the university would be understanding.
Try to accept whatever your friends offer in the way of child care, shopping etc. Every little bit helps.
With your dad, I would try speaking to the GP and ask if he can be referred to a social worker. There are specific social workers who support carers in some areas. I would most definitely speak to Macmillan, for yourself as well as your mum. They are brilliant.
My mother was quite similar to your mum, in that she would refuse to go to hospital and my poor dad would have to deal with her. I'd be on the phone ( they lived 150 miles away), trying to persuade her to go and sometimes having to get an ambulance out to her - which, long distance, is not easy and my 3 children were all under 10. It's a bloody nightmare.
I think if you spoke to Macmillan about your mum, they would find a way to get her to engage with them . They are very experienced with this kind of situation and very skilled. Maybe they could just try calling her first, just for a few times, to build up her confidence in them and if that works, then they could try a visit.
Your mum. Is terrified, understandably. She has no control over what is happening to her. She needs to be able to still make her own decisions for as long as she is able.
It takes a long time for someone who has always been independent and the carer for everyone else, to accept that they need to be cared for.
All I can say is that my mum was so resistant to having a carer at home, but when we eventually sorted carers out for her ( it was a carer or having to go to a residential home), she really took to them.
And I think that's the key. Macmillan nurses are lovely, caring people and they have good people skills, so I'm sure your mum would accept one if she got on with her.
Sorry this is so long. I hope it's helpful. You and your dad need a break too, so I would see if there is someone who could be with your mum for a while, so he has some time for himself. He sounds amazing.
And could a friend take your children for a while, to give you a break?
As for your husband, it sounds really traumatic, but it seems that he cannot help it, as hard as that is to live with. Could you talk to your GP about him?
Also, are you getting much support for your son?
I totally get the cycling obsession. My husband is a cycling geek too, but more understanding. We are separating, but he was totally there for me when my parents died.
Take care of yourself. Have you got a cat or a dog? My dog is my best friend and gives me enormous comfort and cuddles when I need them.
And he's a great listener!
Y