met someone through onlime dating and they are married!

[spence82]

So I tried online dating. Got talking to a lady who lived about half an hours drive away. We chatted for a while and decided to meet up.

We first met a couple of weeks ago for a coffee and we got on really well so I asked her on a second date. Second date came round and again a nice time was had. We had our 3rd date tonight she came back to mine and we slept together. I asked her to stay the night and she said she couldn't as she had work tomorrow.

I've just received a text from her saying the real reason she couldn't stay is because she is married.

I feel shell shocked right now. She's asked me to be her 'bit on the side' I feel awful about it all. I feel guilty even though I didn't know she was married. I've said I can't carry on but shes being very persistent. How can I resolve this?

You resolve it by saying 'no thank you' and blocking her contact details. Seriously, you do not want to be part of this.

Block her.

Cut. All. Ties.

I have told her I don't want to carry on. Is it normal to feel this guilty without knowing she was married? Feel so bad for her husband

Block her

(sorry for repitition).

And don't feel bad, you're innocent in this and a victim because you were lied to.

Tell her you don't sleep with married liars and then block her. Let google be your friend next time you make a date with someone purporting to be single.

"You seem to misunderstand me. Let me make it clear. I have no wish to spend my time with a liar and cheat.

You have your reasons for cheating on your husband but I do not wish to be a part of that. If you will treat him so shabbily despite your vows then I question you will treat me. Do not contact me again"

She lied to you. Why feel guilty? You should be angry at being used.

You've nothing to feel guilty about, you didn't know about her husband and have stepped away now that you do. Block her phone number and move on.

I think it is normal to feel guilty, becuase it's not something you'd have done consciously. Same as anyone feels guilty when they find out after the event that they've been party to something they actually would never go along with.

However, if you step back, the feeling is not actually reasonable because you didn't know. She was dishonest and used you.

So it may be that you do feel bad, partly for sleeping with her and partly becuase well, you've been used and lied to. But it will fade with time, if you keep it firmly in your mind that it was her, not you, who behaved badly.

Similar happened to me several years ago. Went out on three dates with this guy. During the third date he let something slip and then admitted that he was married.
Agree with much of the preceeding advice. Block her. Don't blame yourself. She lied to you. Move on.

Thanks everyone. I have blocked her number so hopefully that should be the end of it. I was speaking to someone at work about it this morning and they said I should tell her husband. Im not going to though as I dont think it would be right but even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to contact him

It's really not your fight.

How do you know her husband isn't doing the same, don't get involved.

Very true Jan

I'm not going to get involved. He may be a cheat too as far as I know. I got the impression that if he does she isn't aware of it. She never mentioned anything about an open marriage