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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why can't I make the leap?

3 replies

HotandCold · 10/10/2013 20:58

Can someone help me unpick this. I met a man a few months ago. We hit it off. Really hit it off. We dated and then I got cold feet and pulled back. Now we're "friends". I've had another casual boyfriend throughout which has given me a good excuse to push back. But I keep bouncing back to this man. Texts, meet-ups, etc. There are legitimate reasons why a relationship might not be ideal. I'm at the point where I want to settle down, he has practical barriers to this. I feel that if we tried it properly it would either really work or go really wrong. But why can't I just take the risk? I now feel like I'm having an EA. I have no commitment to my BF so the obvious thing would be to end that and just see what happens. But I'm scared. I think more of it going right (with all the difficulties that would entail) than it going wrong. I'm at the point where I'm finally ready mentally to meet someone and settle down. Now the actual prospect of having met the right person terrifies me.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2013 21:27

Sounds like neither of these men are 'the right person' if you vacillate between them. How about taking a break from both for a while rather than feeling pressured to pick any of them?

HotandCold · 10/10/2013 21:35

That's one obvious reason. But I do feel like I want be able to kick this until I've given it a proper go. And now when ever the prospect of that is raised I pull back.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/10/2013 21:46

You pull back because a) you're not convinced and b) you have a fall-back. When you can't commit to one or the other it's likely neither are right but both will do for now. Why not have some time to just be yourself rather than feeling under some self-imposed obligation to settle down & belong to either one of them? Everyone will still be where you left them in a few months.

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