Partner and ex girlfriend private messaging each other

[catsoup]

Me and my partner have been together 5 years and have a 3 year old child. We haven't been getting on so well these past few months and it all came to a head in August where we had a massive argument. We decided to try really hard and make time for each other and talk to each other.

Things had been going fine, still a bit patchy but much better than they had been. Yesterday, I discovered messages on his twitter account from an ex girlfriend. I wasn't snooping, I am using his old phone because mine is being repaired which still receives notifications of private messages from his twitter account.

So this message pops up from the ex and asks him if he'd "like to meet for a drink sometime.....just as friends of course x". I'm thinking WTF but decide to leave it and see if he responds. When I check my phone later there is another message from the ex saying "let me know when you're free, this is my number ....... xx". I can't find his reply to her which makes me think he did say he would meet her but he's deleted the message.

By this point I've looked for other private messages between them and he's telling her she looks good in her picture. However on the public feed they're tweeting each other from way back in April talking about the good old days and how much fun they used to have. She's asking him what he's up to now and he replies he's living in X place "suburban personified". There's no mention of me, he has no pictures of me on twitter although he does follow me. There's pictures of our DD though.

i'm not sure what to make of all this. Obviously I'm gonna talk to him when he comes home from work which is soon but I also really want to text her and find out if she knows I even exist.

I hope that makes sense, sorry it's long. I don't know how to feel really.

Hiding things is not a good idea in a healthy relationship and of course you're going to be suspicious. It could be what it says on the tin i.e. friendly messages and meeting for a drink, but he should be telling you, not keeping secrets. BTW... if he tries 'I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be annoyed' tell him that is not an explanation, it's an excuse

Screen grab the messages before you do ask him about them. Then show him them on twitter (not the image you've saved on your phone) and say, this popped up earlier, I don't realise you were still on such friendly terms? Wait for whatever response he gives and if it sounds defensive / dodgy but making out its nothing tell him it makes you uncomfortable especially as you feel your relation is only just getting better

It doesn't sound good, but it doesn't sound like a definite affair, or something which is inevitably heading for an affair.

Tbh, I hate, HATE social media, as I think it causes all sort of problems with couples. That said, if someone's going to have affair, they're going to. All that these kind of sites do, are make it easier.

I wouldn't necessarily assume that that's what this is, but you definitely need to talk to him about it. Don't just hear what he says, really watch his reaction. If he is being unfaithful, he's not likely to just come out and tell you, when confronted. I'm not a body language expert or anything, so I can't really tell you the signs to look out for, but I would trust your gut instinct.