Am I being unreasonable? Always good to have an AIBU thread going!

[FlameBoo]

DS is 18 weeks old.

In the last 18 weeks we have had our first wedding anniversary, our original anniversary, my birthday, mothers day, fathers day, and we skipped valentines day beforehand too because I was too lumpy to appreciate it.

So, we promised ourselves a really nice meal out with some friends to do a sort of big celebration.

It is one of our friend's birthdays so it has turned more into his birthday do than our meal, but I am still going out so I'm not too bothered.

The plan was to drop off children, go for meal, then pick up DS on the way back, and leave DD with my mum.

DH came home last night wanting to know if we could pick DS up, and then him go back to one of the friend's houses because they are all planning on playing on the xbox!

I don't want him to - I want to come home together, not be left alone while he buggers off out again. I feel like they are all going off to have the real fun once they've gotten rid of the mum who doesn't play games very well (they are all single and childless).

If I say no, come home, I can see him being sulky which will probably ruin the evening. If I say yes, then I will be miserable, again ruining the evening. I am teetering on option 3 which is inviting them back here once we have got DS, but I feel like this night was meant to be about us after the pregnancy - celebrating everything we've missed, and the birth of our son.

So, the lifelong question... Am I being unreasonable?

Atm feeling dull, frumpy and unloved... why doesn't he just want to be with me??? (He plays games with them all once a week anyway).

Rather than saying yes or no, why don't you explain it to him as you have here and then leave the decision up to him.

Make this the night out for the friend and have a romantic night out in a couple of weeks for just you and dh

why not say DH goes to this on his own (but no rolling backin the middle of the night out of his skull) and then you have your night together next week instead.

Which planet do they say men are from? It is so true they just don't see the importance like we do. I'd go with zippi... rather than let it spoil things and be glad you have a normal DH!

Know how you feel though.

We have been saving for this for a while, so no more nights out until end of August/beg September. I've sent him a text asking him to call me when he can, and I'll try and talk to him.

Part of this is paranoia, I know it is. They all communicate via email, and although I do things with them, I have never been added into the email list, even though I have asked DH if I can be - If he said no, I wouldn't mind so much, but he says I will be then, doesn't. I don't want to be mummy all the time, sometimes I want to be me again.

Sorry - very very tired and everything is seeming some huge mean conspiracy today

i know exactly how you feel,could you not get an overnight babysitter for both children then you can go with him

Men are so selfish! I have a similar thing with my DH. We are hard up at the moment and he is going out at least 3 times a week because of the bloody football. Out till midnight last night, out tonight and out tomrrow from 4pm.

I will be rationale and suggest that you should tell DH how you feel, then suggest a compromise. Easier said than done though. Good luck.

Emrys is really unsettled at the moment - I am worrying enough about leaving him for a few hours, I don't think my mum would cope too well with him overnight (no other babysitters ) If she was babysitting here then it would be better because she could sleep on the sofa til we got home, but DD has already been told she is staying at gran's house and hasn't shut up about it all morning.

Wasit until they get up and then sit them down around teh kitchen tabel for a family confrence, get out a "talking stick" or sdomething and keep refering to the fact that you do this regularly but now that gf/bf have become members of the houshold you feel it is right they join in.

Then get a really good diplomatic debate going on the rights and wroings orf having a tent in teh garden for anyone who repeatedly comes in after a certain time and wakes you up. Make it clear that it is their own choice etc etc. Treat them as child like as possible whilst still talking aobut grwon up issues. (make sure you get in contraception and buying loo roll)

Hopefully both gf and bf will scarper asap and dd and ds will be so embarresed that they won't dare to wake you - or bring a partner back again.

• can you tell I am getting my ideas in shape for when mine hit this stage

WTF - I posted that on a TOTALLY different thread - I know I did - I read it first and then scrolled down to post - this is impossible - not to mention embarresing - TECH sorry Flame!

You poor thing. This does seem just like a typical thoughtless male thing (sorry to denigrate the whole male sub-species).

Tell him. Explain in short simple words. Stick to 'I feel this' and not 'you always do that'. Make it very very clear and so he doesn't at any point have to work out what you are feeling.

Then agree to his night out with the lads with the proviso that he gives you a special night of undivided couple time in return another night. (doesn't need to be an expensive night -perhaps he could cook you a special meal when ds is at grandparents). Call it your postponed Valentines night so he gets the message that the Xbox is not part of the plan.

Men...

pmsl SM - I know exactly which thread you are talking to though

well at least this has cheered me up!

Needless to say of course I think your dh is being unreasonable and that you need to sit him down and tell him what you had thought about the night etc.... which is why I didn't post on your thread (intentionally) as everyone else got there first!

Good luck - hope he sees sense!

flameboo... i wouldnt take it to heart... this is your average male behaviour and i am sure it hasnt even occurred to him that you might be pissed off !

i wouldnt even sit down to explain how you feel... he would take that as moaning probably and be miserable on the night out too. am i right ?

You need to be more cunning.. perhaps say something along the lines of.. oh well, if you want to go and play xbox wiyth you mates then thats ok.. but as its our anniversary i had kind of something else in mind..just the 2 of us??!! (and raise an eybrow) suggestively)
If plan works.. one happy DH who can get out of the plans with his mates without looking hen pecked.
p.s. if you cant be bothered to fulfil promise... just get him drunk enough to collapse in heap..

The subtle stuff would go straight over his head .

Still waiting for him to call me - I'll let you know what the outcome is!

ahh..opposite DH here then! Being direct with mine (as i often am) doesnt work.. has giant strop,rants and raves like 3yr old and would end up doing what he wanted in the end anyway! Have learned to be more cunning !
He is lovely really!! Funny how they are one or the other.

Do you not think dh's antenna would be alerted at mention of any potential love action though, subtle or not?

lol - you need to read the 18 week old baby bit more carefully - we're both so tired atm that he is actually turning down suggestions in favour of sleep!

I underestimate him and now have big cause for

He called. Said that they were talking about playing buzz/singstar type games - the ones he knows I enjoy, and could he ask them all to come to our place instead because he knows I like the games and that I miss grown up company .

Aww -what a lovely guy - well done you for picking him

Hope you have a wonderful time!

(p.s. you don't think he has been reading this do you? )

lmao - if its not games related or anime, then he doesn't know where to start on websites!!