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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating and the silent treatment....

42 replies

wildwest · 10/10/2013 07:58

Just fed up. Met a guy I thought was lovely. We chatted full on for a week then accidently met in town one friday eve. We spent the whole eve together chatting, kissing. He dropped me off home in a taxi. Sent me a message 20 mins later to say 'I don't know if you realise but I really rather like you'. Saw him the next day too. On the Monday he went away to a new post in swindon (he's in the army). Full on texting every day. Last weekend he was away at a friends down south so didn't see him but heard from him loads. We chatted Sunday eve and since then - nothing. Silent treatment... so obviously not interested. Why do they do that?? Why can't they just say 'I don't think this is going to work?'. Really beginning to wonder if I will ever meet someone decent!

OP posts:

Original poster

wildwest · 10/10/2013 11:46

Yes. My instinct is usually spot on. But yep I'm keeping busy and have a great social life so won't be moping!

OP posts:

brokenhearted55 · 10/10/2013 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 12:24

These men-children are spoilt for choice with all these lovely ladies on dating sites now, it's not fair, it was far easier before in the old days lol.

niceupthedance · 10/10/2013 12:49

Jan does your friend want a relationship with these guys? Because there's nowt wrong with being casual with someone (or more than one someone).

I agree it can make you feel shit, but I think it's the lack of manners to not even sign off properly that gets to me more than the disappearance of said bloke!

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 12:56

Yes she is desperate for a relationship. This guy in particular has been on the scene for a couple of months, has never taken her out, just texts when he feels like a shag and she's legs akimbo, I don't get it cos she's clearly upset when she doesn't hear from him and it seems to be all on his terms so I don't really get the she's getting it too.

How long does casual sex really last until usually, the woman, would like a bit more consideration? Seriously, you're just being used, what's nice about that, I'd rather invest in a vibrator myself.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 10/10/2013 13:16

Jan. Sounds like she needs to work on her self esteem. If she believes she deserves more she might not keep settling for less.

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 13:27

She's been single for four years now, you can feel the desperation oozing from her, it's all the time, she can't go out without it being about men or finding a man, I've tried to bite my tongue a few times but now I just tell her what I think, if she asks me.

Makes no difference, she's telling herself he is fulfilling her sexually so that's good enough, i.e., any scrap of attention will do. Worst still she has 2 young adults at home who are witnessing this so that's not good either. Her excuse is, she doesn't know what she's doing when drunk! She's still my friend but her behaviour is pretty abhorrent at the moment. Everyone has told her but her reaction is that we are all being negative!

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 10/10/2013 13:45

Ooh that's sad.

brokenhearted55 · 10/10/2013 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 13:51

broken: what does that tell us about men's ego's huh...

brokenhearted55 · 10/10/2013 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsDecisionTime · 10/10/2013 14:22

Two things; Firstly, He's in the army and it's not outside the realms of possibility that he's on exercise and can't get in touch with you. Secondly, he might be one of those guys who just loves the chase. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Send him a polite text saying he's obviously busy with something and you hope to hear from him soon. Leave it at that and if you don't hear well you have your answer.

Jan45 · 10/10/2013 14:32

cackles - love it haha.

PigletJohn · 10/10/2013 14:51

I've heard of women who get on the dating scene with 4 or 5 guys and then decide which one they want to try to keep. I don't know, but maybe there are men like that too.

Is such a thing possible?

niceupthedance · 10/10/2013 14:52

Jan, well that's different if she's looking for love. And more than a bit sad.

OP in your position I would probably be tempted to send just one text. Just a general how's it going? But if no mention of a further date results I would park it.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2013 17:05

Piglet I used to chat to 2 or 3 different men at a time before I met any of them. See if I wanted to date.

In the 6 months or so I was online I must've had 20 first dates. Maybe 3 went to second date. I stopped the dating for about 2 months when I was seeing a guy I met in RL. Then went back to it when that fizzled out and met my now BF about 6 weeks and 10 first dates later.

It's a numbers game, depressingly.

I always texted or called someone to say if I didn't want to see them again. But I had this sudden silence thing from a couple if guys after what I thought had been very successful first / second dates. It's so fucking rude and unnecessary

brokenhearted55 · 10/10/2013 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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