Think we've come to the end

[littlemefi]

DH and I have just agreed to split up....don't know what to feel, what to think, it's been a long time coming and I know it's for the best but it almost doesn't feel real, like it's happening to someone else.

Been together 14 years, married for 12, with a 4 year old dd, how the hell can she make sense of it when I can't!?

Sorry it's over. When you say 'agreed' is it him initiating this rather than a mutual thing? Your DD will be fine with it if you're fine with it. Instead of Mum and Dad under one roof there will be Mum's place and Dad's place and she'll be loved in both houses. Present that as a 'good thing' and she'll probably go along with it. Good luck

It's been not great between us for a long time, lots of resentments on both sides, and we had a minor disagreement this afternoon that escalated into a relatively calm talk about how unhappy we both are.

I found out when I was 8 months pregnant that he had been sexting an old colleague, and then I had PND after DD was born, and grown further and further apart.

I'm sure our aim will be to support and protect dd as much as possible, but it is still going to be a massive thing in her life.

It will be a massive thing, no doubting that. My dd is 3 and a half and I'm 8 months in to being separated. She is as happy as she was but does like to know when she's seeing daddy. She sees him most weekends but asks every morning if its a week day or weekend day. She doesn't seem to be suffering at all and when I start stressing about how it might affect her I just think of all the things I didn't want her to see if we'd stated together. The rows, me being ignored by daddy, no affection between her parents etc etc. I also have a 15 month old but don't feel so worried about her as she doesn't remember living with him obviously. It's hard for the little ones to stop seeing one parent every day but if handled well they adjust really well to it.
Good luck

Thanks both of you, I'm sure she'll be ok, I just feel so guilty. My mum and dad were married for 48 years, mum died last year and I feel such a failure! Although I know it's the right decision to split up, it's just such a BIG step, thinking of the road ahead.

This recently happened to us and we have a 8 yr old dd , I was dreading telling her but she took it really well. We made a big fuss of her having two bedrooms with everthing twice, she has really adjusted to it very well and at the minute doesn't show any signs of being affected by it.

Dh wants to wait until after Christmas, I don't know what to do, kinda feel what's the point in waiting, but at the same time, am dreading it.

Does he really want to split maybe he is putting it off to hope it might not happen. Waiting until Christmas will put a downer on it anyway, if it's decided maybe its best to do it now.

He's as unhappy as I am, I know that. But he's also good at burying head in sand and dealing with things later, which is what I suspect he's doing now.
I know he doesn't want to spoil Christmas for dd, and we are both capable of putting on a face and getting on with it, but don't know how bearable it will be?

Seriously...do it ASAP if its gonna happen. By Christmas you can be settled and happier and fully in the swing of sharing time with her. If you're getting on ok you could still spend Xmas day together. You'd be surprised how quickly everybody adapts. Xmas is 2 and a half months away. That's a long time. Don't delay it, you'll be miserae and then it will affect your dd. starting 2014 on a split will be crap, you've got time to get it sorted and then u can start the new year as h mean to go on

It's like ripping off a plaster, shit but gotta be done.

We are in rented accommodation but think we have got to give a months notice, I have somewhere to go but he'd have to sort out where to go , I guess he could go to his mums for a bit.

Will have to talk to him again tomorrow, we both want to try to keep things amicable but we were both in tears tonight and he's gone to bed already.

Thanks mamma for the advice, reminding me of the positives; I don't want to get to a point of hating each other, would rather have 2 separate happy parents than 2 miserable ones.