Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I get out of this relationship?

14 replies

CheeseToasty · 08/10/2013 18:39

I have been it this relationship since I was 16. I am now 31. It is my only relationship. I am really unhappy but I really dont know what to do? I have no where to go and I am not working so have no money. Partner hasn't sorted tax returns so tax credits have stoped. We have 2 children.

OP posts:
shootfromthehip · 08/10/2013 18:51

Don't want to leave you on your own- is there a particular issue that makes you want to leave or have you just had enough? Can you move in with your family etc. Do you have a job/ childcare?

Original poster
CheeseToasty · 08/10/2013 19:17

Thanks. There are too many reasons to list but it is mainly because I dont think he is good father. I hate them growing up thinking he is what a father is. Even if I do leave he will still be in their life probably more. I am not sure whats worse. My only family is my mum and I am not sure that it would be possible. I know its silly but I worry about the fact that I would have to leave eveything as I wouldn't be able to take it all. I do not have a job which is really depressing me and the rejection is relly affecting me.

OP posts:
shootfromthehip · 08/10/2013 19:19

Why don't you make a plan and get ready to leave. Get some training, save some money and prepare yourself to go. How old are your kids?

Original poster
CheeseToasty · 08/10/2013 19:24

Thats what I have wanted to do but getting work is proving so difficult. Kids are primary aged. Thanks

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 08/10/2013 19:30

Does he know how you feel? Does it have to be you that leaves...can't he?

Said previously...but best thing to do is plan plan plan!

Good luck x

mammadiggingdeep · 08/10/2013 19:31

Someone will come along in a minute and give you all the links you need. I think there's a good website that tells you all the benefits you're entitled to....
You can do it if you really want to. Keep posting x

Original poster
CheeseToasty · 08/10/2013 19:45

No he doesn't know. I dont want to bring it up because he may say leave now and I want to be ready and decide when. I once tried to leave and he would not let me leave with the kids. He can not leave as it is his house. It is obvious we are both unhappy but plodding along. Thanks for listening I feel better now. I guess I should like you say make a plan and try even harder to get a job.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 19:56

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. There are lots of options if you want to make a new life for yourself and your DCs. You don't say what makes him a bad father but if you think you or your DCs are in any danger either physically or emotionally then you can talk to the police or there are organisations such as Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 that can give advice and possibly refuge.

If your situation isn't 'critical' then you could benefit from talking to CAB about what your rights are and what rights he would have if you split. I don't understand about leaving everything behind? Housing Authorities can help with emergency accommodation if leaving would leave you with nowhere to go. The benefits checker at the website www.turn2us.org.uk is very good and would give you an idea of what kind of state support you could expect, topping up your wages, meeting rent etc.

Mum2Fergus · 08/10/2013 19:57

Get some advice as to what benefits and support you are entitled to as well.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 19:58

" he would not let me leave with the kids"

How did he prevent it? Intimidation? If you wish to leave with your children and your way is barred, the police would be interested.

Original poster
CheeseToasty · 08/10/2013 20:44

I just think he doesn't do enough parenting. Doesnt play with the kids, doesn't wash, dress put them to bed. Does not play with them, does not cook for they. Does not do homework or housework. No school meetings etc. Just no interent. His only interaction is when he teases them and calls them names. They never cuddle him. He is unemployed at them moment so no excused. He just sits on the sofa watching movies and playing ps3.
I just dont want a difficult leaving and upheavel.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2013 20:51

I think you have to anticipate upheaval and a few difficulties, realistically. Although, as your children don't sound that fond of him and he's not very involved, they'll probably go with you without a backward glance. Best to get all the information together from the places mentioned earlier and cover practical things like having your own bank account, getting the DCs' birth certificates, passports and other documents, getting your name off any bills etc.

RhondaJean · 08/10/2013 23:05

So he isn't working and you aren't working and Thr tax credits have stopped? How are you feeding the kids at the moment?

RhondaJean · 08/10/2013 23:11

I didn't mean that confrontation ally by the way - just worried you might need some more immediate help as well.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page