tips for keeping romance alive please

[topoftheladder]

I work full time with kids and husband also busy at work, then of course we have our own dc (7 and 9) to look after. Eldest doesn't get to sleep until 9:30 ish (although he is in bed). Often I am so knackered I forget to show dh how much I love him. We do have sex pretty often which is great when we get going but if he didnt initiate it I probably wouldn't. I feel I am letting dh down in the sex/romance side of life. Help me restore the balance please.

I'll be the first to say it :) How are the domestic chores shared out in your home? Are you working full-time and doing all the house stuff as well that you're so tired? If it's all 50/50 then the next thing to sort out is time to be a couple. Easy to get into a rut of work, house and ferrying children and forget to diarise some time together. When the kids are at school, take a day off work together perhaps or find some evening interest that you can do together. Good luck

We plan one weekend day a month and a weekly evening when it's just us. We go to the cinema, the gym, crash on the sofa, anything. But it's just us, no kids, no housework, no serious talks, just fun, relaxation, time to be together and be nice to each other (sounds silly but with such busy lives we sometimes forget hugs, kind words, slowness lol). We use that time to recharge our relationship batteries so that when we go back to craziness we don't feel too neglected. He is very tactile anyway so a hug or handhold or backscratch or even just his hand on my leg as we watch tv is his way of showing love. He never buys flowers etc, sees them as "apologies" rather than romantic. He's got nothing to apologize for. I buy flowers for myself as I love them though lol. We ALWAYS say I love you before going to sleep, and before leaving the house to go to work, and random times throughout the day. I make sure he's well fed lol. He makes sure the house is clean/tidy. We have our roles in keeping things going and for the most part it works awesomely. I love "us" and he loves "us" so we both make time to nurture the relationship so that in tough stressful times like right now (finances are awful) we have a string base and we know what we are fighting for iyswim?

A good relationship isn't easy to maintain but it's definitely worth the work and I wake up feeling loved and fall asleep feeling loved. That's most important to me.

Thanks for the replies. I love the thought of child free weekend etc., but we struggle to find people to have the dc! I do end up doing most things in the house as I get home first so always do tea, the washing, homework, packed lunches and most of the cleaning. He will do cleaning if i ask him but not as well as me so i feel like i have to do it again.

That really has to be top priority. Equality of effort rather than one person doing it all and the other having to be asked. Dial a pizza, postpone the washing, let the kids do their own homework, subscribe them for school dinners and hire a cleaner... and tell him that if he wants a better sex-life he's going to have to start pulling his weight.