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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Premium Rate calls - what do i do?

17 replies

SpringChicken · 19/02/2004 08:50

Was going to change my name for this but don't really see the point - plus, knowing me, i'd go and give myself away anyway!

I suspected a few weeks ago that my DP was ringing premium rate telephone numbers - we had got in from a night out, i had gone to bed but left the bedroom door open. When i woke up the door had been pulled to so i knew there was something fishy going on.
I just laid there waiting to try and hear what was going then all of a sudden heard the dial tone of our telephone - as if he had hit loudspeaker by mistake.

I didn't say anything about it as i didn't want to cause an arguement for no reason.

This morning the BT bill arrived, i grabbed it before DP saw it and stuffed in my jacket. Now at work have opened it and found 3 premium rate calls and 4 national rate calls and from the dates i can see that one of the calls what made on the night i suspected.

Now what do i do? ?

Thinking rationally there are only 7 calls in total and the longest call only lasts 3 minutes but how long has this been going on for? i don't know as i only thought to check the bill when i suspected something odd was going on.
I know if i confront him about it he will deny it at first and and say it must be BT - if i go on for long enough i think he will admit it in the end but it will cause a huge row.

He is obviously doing it to pleasure himself - the pleasuring i don't have a problem with, most times it saves me a job but why be so deceitful (sp) and close the bedroom door up and why feel the need to ring Premium Rate numbers to get off on.

We have got our 20 week scan today so really don't want to cause an arguement as we should be happy today but i just don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Janstar · 19/02/2004 09:26

Could you talk to him about it? If you don't really mind him pleasuring himself perhaps it will be a relief to him to come clean.

My concern is that these calls cost an arm and a leg and people do become addicted. He might get a shock if he added it up.

Perhaps if you explain that what upsets you is the fact that he is skulking around behind your back, he might feel he can be more open with you in future.

twiglett · 19/02/2004 09:41

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aloha · 19/02/2004 10:28

Check the lines first. He might be getting the latest news on Leeds United, or something. No point talking to him unless you know what you are talking about. From what I know about premium rate lines (eg competitions & our own magazine astrology lines - not the other, thank you very much!) three minutes wouldn't even get you to the 'meat' of the call - they only make money by keeping you hanging on. If they are sex lines, I think he has been tentatively trying them out and not even getting to the sexy bit iyswim. But if they are, then I can also see why you don't want to pay for the horrible things and you can put your foot down on this. IF they are sex chat lines and you really don't want to confront him, then a simple, 'Our telephone bill seems high this time? Can't work out what these numbers are...I'm sure I didn't dial them' would probably stop him. Then possibly talk about porn and your sex life separately?

SpringChicken · 19/02/2004 12:32

Thanks ladies The whole pleasuring thing really doesn't bother me, i know most blokes do it on a regular basis and i except that my DP does - as i said, most of the time i am grateful as it means i get an early night!

I know i am not overly concerned as i haven't spoken to DP several times today and not mentioned it - we have been chatting as we normally do and surely if i was that bothered i wouldn't be able to just not say anything and carry on as normal - would i? ?

It really is just the sneaking that bothers me - at the end fo the day the telephone calls only amount to about £10 but it's the fact that he actually came up stairs to pull the bedroom door up first - i know it's obviosuly because he didn't want to be caught in the act but why do it the first place then? He doesn't usually bother pulling the door up when he stays downstairs to ahem, sort himself out!

I can handle the wanking and i can even handle the calls to a certain extent but it's the secretiveness (word?) that bothers me more than anything i think!

Anyway, thanks for your responses - i will call the lines from my mobile and see what they are then decide what to do from there.

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SpringChicken · 19/02/2004 15:55

Just to let you all know everything is now sorted! I had it out with DP in the car before we went in for scan.

I made a bit of a joke about it - said that the BT bill had arrived. His face dropped straight away, i just said that i knew he had been calling these numbers and would just prefer it if he didn't as they were very expensive.

He didn't try to deny it, which i am really glad of - he said that he was sorry and the only reason he done it was because i obviously hadn't been in the mood and he didn't want to be on my case about it so thought it best to not say anything and just deal with the issue himself. He is embarrassed by it, hence the closing of the door!

All sorted now though - we have laughed about it - i have apologised for not being more up for it and he has said he wont ever ring these numbers again and wont be so secretive in future.

All is well in the SpringChicken household. Thanks for your advice x

OP posts:
Twinkie · 19/02/2004 15:56

Wow - super duper - thats great - how did scan go though??

Blu · 19/02/2004 15:58

SpringChicken, SO pleased he was upfront about it. You must be very relieved. Glad you got it all out in the open. Well done!

fairydust · 19/02/2004 16:05

Spring u did the right thing - one thing i've learnt in all the years of being with dh is that if something is bothering me i need to talk about it as if i don;t a huge argument happens which isn't worth it.

how did the scan go???

SpringChicken · 19/02/2004 16:19

Think we are finally realising that too now FD - amazing how expacting a baby makes you change your ways.

Huge relief now it's out in the open and sorted - so so glad he honest otherwise that would've cause a whole new set of problems!

Scan was absolutely great - everything is perfect - size in spot on for the EDD i have been given - baby was being a right pain, moving about everywhere but i wasn't complaining, it meant i got to see my little sproglet for longer anyway!
Thanks for asking.

OP posts:
Twinkie · 19/02/2004 16:20

Ooooh - silly but I just want to ask did you use Persona I sent you??? Is it at all responsible for sproglett - although sure you and DH did that all on your own??

SpringChicken · 19/02/2004 16:39

It has indeed Twinkie - maybe i should give the baby Twinkie as a middle name

Tayla Twinkie Only kidding, you've put me right off Tayla now anyway!

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CountessDracula · 19/02/2004 16:43

Well done Jems, you handled that brilliantly!

Why not buy him a porn film as a reward for being so truthful

SpringChicken · 19/02/2004 16:54

Thanks Countess D - do feel quite proud of myself actually for dealing with it like that - would normally just rant and rave and scream and shout.

Pregnancy must have a calming influence on me

OP posts:
twiglett · 19/02/2004 18:05

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Kayleigh · 19/02/2004 19:16

springchicken, have been following this thread and really felt for you. Am so pleased it has worked out ok for you. Relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

aloha · 19/02/2004 19:41

Good news. I presume then that it wasn't the Leeds United line then?

SpringChicken · 20/02/2004 10:39

I would be even more worried if it was Aloha - he's an Arsenal man

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