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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to do

2 replies

user765 · 07/10/2013 23:14

Been with partner 4 years and we have 12 week old daughter together. He is self employed with own business so is always working and gets home late - 10.30/ 11pm usually, or later if he 'goes out for a drink'. On Saturdays he plays sports and goes out drinking after. On Sundays he sleeps off his hangover and apologises to me for staying out all night and says he feels bad. Meanwhile I am at home looking after baby (may as well be a single parent) and basically being his maid. He has awful mood swings and has shouted at our baby twice since she's been born and when he's in a bad mood it's a nightmare having to walk on eggshells around him. He never bothers to let me know he is coming home and always puts me down - said I live in a bubble ( basically true as since being on maternity leave my days revolve around baby and housework/entertaining visitors who want to see baby). We seem to always be at the bottom of his list of priorities.

He has cheated on me in the past but I took him back. I considered leaving him last year but then fell pregnant so stayed with him and bought a house together. Don't know whether he's cheating again or what but I feel trapped and miserable. I try to tell him this and he sometimes apologises and promises to change (but never does) and sometimes has a go at me saying I have no idea what it's like trying to run a business etc.

I feel like I deserve better than this but now we have a baby together I can't just walk out and want to make our relationship work for her sake too. I also feel like I have no chance of actually being in a happy relationship where I feel loved and valued again.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2013 23:24

I'm sorry but you're in an abusive relationship. These 'awful mood swings' sound like naked aggression. What kind of nasty person shouts at a baby? He puts you down, lets you skivvy for him, drinks himself useless and, given that you've already tolerated one affair, probably sees that as carte blanche to keep doing more of the same. Tosses you an apology or lipservice about changing when he thinks he's gone too far... it's patronising rubbish.

You deserve better and your poor baby certainly deserves better than to grow up with an abusive drunk of a father that treats her lovely mum like dirt.

Run...

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/10/2013 23:25

Womens Aid 0808 2000 247. Please give this organisation a call in the morning. You won't make a relationship work with an abusive bully because they don't want it to work.... they just want to control you.

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