Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how do i approach this woman without looking like a complete weirdo?

43 replies

VintageLace · 07/10/2013 19:32

I have been a SAHM for the last 3 years. I do not have any friends who i socialise with. mainly because i am a young mum (22) and the only person out of my old, and very small, group of friends to have a child.

over the past few years my old 'friends' slowly cut me out. which to an extent i can understand. what with them living a party lifestyle and me being a mother. i tried to keep up but in the end i had to just accept we were leading separate lives.

I have severe anxiety issues (i'm currently on medication for this, although it doesn't seem to do much). when talking someone new - be it ordering a take-away or chatting at the school gate - i clam up, shake, slur my words and generally make a twat of myself.

Recently another young mum has initiated conversation with me. just general things like 'your son looks lovely', 'what are you planning on getting him for christmas?' and other general chit chat. I've noticed we have a similar fashion sense and, juding from group conversations, a similar hence of humor.

she seems lovely. today my mother came with me to drop my son off. on the way home my mum asked if i was friends with this girl. i said i have spoke to her briefly at the nursery but that is all. my mum had the impression we were 'very friendly' in the way that we spoke.

i know this sounds very sad and i feel like a right creep. but what my mum said has stuck with me today. i thought i might ask this nice woman if she might like to grab a coffee after nursery at some point. The thing is i am not used to 'making friends' and can't decide if i would come across as a total weirdo.

Would you find it weird? If not, how the heck do i go about it? What do i say?

reading this back i realise i sound like a creepy twat Sad

OP posts:
elfycat · 07/10/2013 20:07

Do you have a playzone locally. Somewhere you can get coffe and your DC can throw balls at each other in the ball-pit?

Last week a 'we must try to go for a coffee', was mentioned while I walked away from the school gate with 2 other Mums, one of whom I know of from nursery, but not know IYSWIM. For a moment I wondered if she means me too and I have fairly good self esteem but of course she did otherwise it would have been a quiet comment to the other mother, not a general statement. Maybe a similar casual comment with a follow up suggestion of when if the answer is yes.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 07/10/2013 20:16

Definitely good idea. If you don't want to pressure her (which you're not!) just say we should go for a coffee one day after drop off and see how she reacts. This happened to me and I said sure, next week would be great.

The following Monday she followed it up and we went for coffee and had a good gossip.

CailinDana · 07/10/2013 20:33

It is a huge compliment to be asked for coffee by someone who likes you and wants to be your friend - what's nicer than someone asking you to be part of their life? Rather than thinking she'll reject you just think that if she's a nice person she'll be really flattered and pleased that she came across so well to you. Spread a little happiness OP - go for it!

InTuaNua · 25/10/2013 23:47

Sorry to resurrect this, but have you asked her yet?

If so, how did it go?

lurkinglorna · 25/10/2013 23:54

one rule of thumb i have for suggesting stuff (dates or even if i'm meeting new people) is to "leave it open-ended". i personally sometimes turn things down just cause i prefer to be solitary or i have my own stuff going on, and i don't really like being "put on the spot" with invites?

so i'd pass on my number and go "do text me if you ever fancy a coffee". that means if they don't want to they can just not get in touch and everyone "saves face"? also i don't like getting into friendships situations where its just me instigating and the other agreeing ALL the time, so it ensures there's some interest from the other person too.

defineme · 25/10/2013 23:58

I found it easier to ask Mums on playdates with their child first because it didn't make me feel so desperate ---even though I was desperate for friends!

FeisMom · 26/10/2013 00:12

YY to playdates, looks like you're trying to develop a friendship between the DCs.

Hoofdegebouw · 26/10/2013 00:23

Imagine how you'd feel if someone asked you - happy, I bet. She sounds like she's trying to get to know you, it would be a nice next step. I do understand how you feel - I was really scared of asking someone from my baby group if that wanted to meet up, but just felt like we'd get on. Afterwards I felt like a stalker and worried myself to death.
Our ds's are now best friends and we get together every weekend. Go on Smile

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 26/10/2013 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

steppemum · 26/10/2013 17:35

Oh Op your post made me well up.

This woman is obviously trying to make friends with you too. She has presumably seen you and thought Oh look she has same dress sense, same age kids, maybe we could be friends.

I am sure she would be delighted to have a coffee. It doesn't matter where, coffee shop, your house, or if it is easier, ask he and her dc back to yours after nursery for a playdate.

really hope you pluck up courage and it goes well.

tallwivglasses · 26/10/2013 20:29

Well, have you spoken to her yet, OP? She's young -chances are she feels exactly the same as you :)

haverer · 26/10/2013 21:59

You don't sound creepy in the slightest. Everyone has to make friends, usually by stepping fr

haverer · 26/10/2013 22:01

Oops posted too soon.
...everyone has to make friends, usually by stepping from passing acquaintances to deliberate meetings. I met most of the friends I've made since I had DC by one of us suggesting going for a coffee after dropping off the kids/play dates.

Thants · 26/10/2013 22:09

Maybe suggest both taking the kids to a soft play?

Zipitydooda · 26/10/2013 22:24

Playdates are always good cover for getting to know each other better as when the children are little mums usually stay too for a chat, coffee.

Monty27 · 26/10/2013 22:28

No creepy, normal. Good luck and I hope its the beginning of a beautiful friendship. You have to start somewhere. You do sound very lovely. :)

KittyFucker · 26/10/2013 23:23

I am quite shy, ok at the school gates small talk but recently a couple of mums have done exactly what you suggest and ask if I want to go for a coffee. I was so pleased both times and actually on Friday asked one if she would like to bring DC round in half term to play. She was lovely when we went for coffee and I'm sure we're going to be friends. Lots of people are shy and self doubting but it takes one to make the offer and suddenly you have a really great friend. I hope you do ask and it goes well.

InTheRedCorner · 26/10/2013 23:29

Do it!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page