don't trust xp re youngest dc

[usedandabusedthentossedaside]

Little background xp walked out nine months ago leaving me with five dc's to start a "new life" with OM. She left the country with om with no intention of coming back after taking out a number of loans at our residence. Then the economy of cyprus crashed and months later they ran out of money and had to come back financed by her family. She pays no attention to the other children and has threatened on numerous occasions to take the youngest who I have been primary carer for ( I gave up my job at her insistence for her career as she couldn't/wouldn't spend time with the boys).
She has shown no remorse for abandoning the children for om and leaving the country and even told the other boys she was glad she went and now she wants the lil one unsupervised and to be honest I don't trust her to return him.
Any advice please would be welcome as she is going to attempt take him today

When you say 'attempt to take' do you mean forcibly? Do you fear she would take him out of the country? Do you have a solicitor working on an access agreement? Is it serious enough to alert the police that you fear an abduction?

I do fear that she won't return him and possibly leave the country currently I waiting for the last piece of evidence to arrive to proceed with a steps to prohibit order.
There is no agreement in terms of visits as she has not been bothered but now is.
This is making me question her motives especially considering what she has done in relation to her other sons ie tried to put a mildly depressed child in a secure rehab unit for adults.
Before she finally disconnected from the children the youngest was treated as a trophy by her in that he was shown off to people and passed back to me.She has done nothing that a mother/parent should do

Do you have his passport secure?

To my knowledge he hasn't got one but she did make a trip to london passport office and spent a few hundred. She also won't give any contact details to the social worker involved (educational) so in essence we don't know where she lives

How old is your DS?

He has just turnt 3 and after what she has done to the others my gut is just screaming something is up. Even though its been 10 months since she walked out I still feel sick and anxious when I see or speak to her and I have great difficulty in saying no.

Don't let her take him. I have no experience in this sort of thing but I know that as a parent, you have to go with your instincts.

To be honest, I would be tempted to call the Passport Office and ask if she's got him a passport. If she has, lodge your objection to him being taken abroad without your permission.

I agree 100% with the PP. Trust your instinct, find your courage, and don't let the child out of your sight. It doesn't matter that she's his DM.

Thankyou all for your responses I won't be letting him out of my sight am going to go for a nice walk to avoid any repercussions

Contact the home office or relevant department. They have seen it all before and may be able to assist.

Hi, I remember your first thread. How are you all doing?

Agree you need to get a flag put on your son's passport. But she may not actually want to go back to Cyprus atm, so I would contact your solicitor or CAB about access/contact too.

Despite her clear disinterest in her children up to now, they do have the right to a relationship with her if they want it, and if she wants to see your littlest one you need to ensure that it is done safely and that he is always returned.

Are you sure the child is yours? Seeing as though she has no interest in the older ones, I wonder!!

hello jux its been a slow process and we are doing relatively well. I agree that they have a right to contact and it has/will always be the choice of the child to decide. The youngest has a right also my concerns are with her motivation and lack of concern that her behaviour has had on the other boys.
When she left it was a one way ticket with thousands taken out in debt to fund it. Now the dream went south and she returns and expected the children to welcome her with open arms and blames everyone except herself.
She actually had the nerve to force her way into our house and push one of the youngest boys about because he "chose" not to see her.
The youngest is flourishing and a happy and well balanced child (not my words :) ) and all professionals share my concerns as they have seen the other side of her. I do not trust her with the safety of my son and i doubt that she has had a maternal awakening :(

Yes he is definitely mine (you dont know how funny that is ....)

jux i remember yours and izzy's post very well and they were very helpful at such a low point :) thankyou

Sadly, I haven't 'seen' Izzy for a long time.

I don't know how the law regards a non-resident parent only having contact woth one of their children. Personally, I think it's not on, sends out all kinds of bad messages - golden child, scapegoat, etc - so I would get myself off to a solicitor pronto and get proper contact sorted asap. If there is a possibility that she might not return a child, then a contact centre would be the best place.

How is she able to come into the house? That needs to be sorted. The home should be the place where they feel safe and at peace and that will be messed up if she can just swan in. She shouldn't have access to the house at all, ever.

I know money's a problem for many people atm, but I think you need advice as to what you can and can't do, and how to block her from entering your home. CAB or solicitor. Respect may be helpful too. Even WA.

Physically pushing a child about is abusive. Worth mentioning that. I think what you need is a restraining order to keep her out, but I'm not a lawyer and not particularly au fait on that aspect of things.

I know when this first happened you were basically in shock. A fair amount of time has passed now, and it may be worth revisiting your old thread and checking out all the things people said that you need to do to protect yourself and your children.

Please don't hesitate to call the police if she forces her way in again.

Used, have you got residence - formally, I mean? I know this is a kicker of a suggestion in financial terms but can you afford a solicitor? Without any formal agreement on residence she could simply remove the youngest from school or nursery - as she has PR they couldn't stop her. And I'd contact social services, actually, given her treatment of all the kids as a group. They won't do much but at least you have her treatment of them recorded somewhere formally.

Reunite can offer advice on how to stop international child abductions.

Horrible mess, and it must hurt so much to see your kids in this situation, I'm sorry.

perfect no at the moment i do not have formal residence but am in the process of applying for a steps to remove order. I have made professionals aware of her actions.
34DD it is possible that she may want the youngest for financial benefit seeing as she has burnt many bridges and built up a number of debts. As it is the youngest is happy and thriving, with that being the case I can see no reason to allow her near him until residency is formalised and i see a change in her motivation.
In my opinion she gave up her rights when she abandoned the boys and brought a one way ticket saying that it is still the boys choice whether or not to see her.
Jux im considering the restraining order in conjunction with the steps to remove order. I do have a solicitor for the divorce aspect but apparently am not entitled to help re the children so am self representing.

I'm so incredibly sorry you're in this position, but very grateful for your children that you're stepping up and protecting them from more pain. It's appalling that the legal aid cuts mean someone such as yourself has to self-rep, and I really hope it all goes well for you.