No means no.

[Crawling]

Yesterday dh was nagging for sex in the end I said yes to shut him up. He gave me oral sex then wanted physical sex, I discovered I really wasn't in the mood and couldn't go through with it. So I offered to finish him by hand. He started sulking so I refused to do anything. He kept on touching me and 6 times I said no before screaming and shouting. Only when I started screaming and shouting at him did he stop.

After that we had a massive argument in which he said it was unfair for me to let him give me oral sex and not give anything back. But I can't orgasm through sex and sometimes if we are short on time I just have sex with him.

He quite often does this. I have a history of sexual abuse and his behaviour brings those memories back and really scares me how do I make him stop? This is making me not want to have sex with him at all.

Hi Crawling. Sorry about your abuse. It is small wonder you cannot orgasm from sex. Have you had counseling. No-one should be nagged into sex and you should never be obliged to say "Yes to shut anyone up". It's your body.
Also does your D.H know about your past because if he does then I hope I don't cause you any offence by saying this but here we go.... He doesn't seem very understanding. xxx

Absolutely no means no. It's disgusting of him to treat you like this. No wonder you don't want to have sex with him!

He does know about it yes and I've had counselling I was very promiscuous as a teenager from age 13 I would sleep with numerous people sometimes at the same time as I felt I had the power if I said yes. This happened until I got therapy. Dh also licks my arse when giving me oral which I have asked him not to do repeatedly.

I'm not surprised you don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries, sulks and only does something with the expectation of getting something in return. This is appalling abusive behaviour.

I'm amazed you can even share the same living space, the sound of him makes my skin crawl.

I'm really sorry to hear about your past sexual abuse. Your husband's behaviour is sexually abusive, so I'm not surprised it brings back bad memories.

Personally I couldn't be married to someone who does not understand the principle of consensual sex. Sex without consent is rape. No means no.

Thank you for your replies and your sorrow at my past. I will really need to think on how to handle this I am not prepared for this to continue but I don't want to leave. It's good to know I'm not being melodramatic over this and that others can see why I'm so upset and angry.

Yes, agree he is sexually abusive but I'm not sure how you can do anything other than leave if he feels so entitled.

Could you contact WA? They can give you support and won't make you leave.

He sounds absolutely foul. The licking thing is sexual assault and the way he bullies you into sex is abusive. Are you ok with staying with him given how badly he treats you?

This sounds similar to what I had. Started off with pressuring, then went to doing it anyway despite 'no'. He also used to do an unwanted sex thing which I told him repeatedly not to do.

I have been told by many people that it is abuse, and that it will only escalate (which it did - I've broken up with him now)

Definitely contact WA & have a chat with them.

If you want to stay, I think it will be very, very hard to get him to change his behaviour.

I could suggest that you could sit down with him & explain that non-consensual sexual contact is sexual assault. That his behaviour is wrong and abusive. But who doesn't know that? If he thinks he has a right to sex on his terms, he may not listen let alone try & change.