why do i mean so little / was it revenge/ how can i forget

[tink17]

After months of constant rows i left my fiancee who id been with for fourteen years taking our two children whilst he was away and left him a note. I know how wrong that sounds but must add i have suffered with depression for most of our relationship and had come to point where suicide or leaving like that were only options. He saw kids regularly and even five weeks later spent Christmas day with us at kids bequest. On new years eve i found out he had met someone through our kids . He lied at first then admitted to internet dating meeting up at hotel for night of sex on first time they met just before Xmas then spending night at her House boxing day. This is on back of Xmas day asking if we could sort things out and me agreeing to discuss it. Anyway we went to relate and moved back in together. I've had major surgery and whilst looking for bill found hotel receipt showing he spent whole weekend in hotel with her. He had dropped kids home to me then went to meet her and got out of bed with her on Xmas eve and came tosee me and kids. Then Xmas day i feel so bad that he didn't care enough about me that he was with someone else within weeks. I was so desperate to stop pain i wanted to get back together but don't know if can do this. I feel like my life is worthless if wasamt for my kids i wouldn't be here. How could he do that ? Did i deserve it?

It sounds to me as though he was already seeing this woman before you split up which would explain why your relationship was so awful at that time.

In any case, even if he did meet her after you split and slept with her then that's his prerogative. I know it must hurt but there it is.

'Months of constant rows' sounds like the relationship was already struggling. Sudden changes in behaviour often coincide with one partner or other having their eye on someone new and suddenly what they have is not satisfying any more. All of us who have been in your situation wonder what we did to deserve it.... and the truth is we probably did nothing worse than being ourselves. If someone can't accept you, care for you and love you for being yourself then they're not worth your time.

IMHO the pain only stops once you reject the source. Do talk to someone IRL about the way you are feeling. Suicide is a terrible thing to be considering when there are so many other practical ways out of the problem you find yourself in. You are not worthless.

No he was not seeing her before we split contacted her two weeks later and emailed one another for couple of weeks before they met at hotel. I never stopped loving him and could not have done this especially seeing him and kids and it being Christmas an him saying could we try and sort things. Don't understand how he could shut of from years we spent together makes me question whole relationship

No he was not seeing her before we split contacted her two weeks later and emailed one another for couple of weeks before they met at hotel. I never stopped loving him and could not have done this especially seeing him and kids and it being Christmas an him saying could we try and sort things. Don't understand how he could shut of from years we spent together makes me question whole relationship

You may be over-egging it. Forget noble ideas of love and wanting to be a family for a second. Forget wanting to get revenge or anything malicious like that. He was technically single, at a loose end over Christmas, feeling lonely and fancied a bunk-up... It may not go any deeper than that.