Paternity leave - am I expecting too much from dh?

[PinkApple86]

So today our baby is 4 days old. My Parents stayed for few days to help and went yday. Birth was straightforward v birth with minor tear so I'm uncomfy but feeling quite fortunate and up and about. First few nights tough as establishing BF and learning everything (first baby). Dh is in love with our baby boy and giving him lots of cuddles but not being very proactive with the helping me out bit. He's a traditional type, European and basically women look after the house and I knew this when we got married. He went to bed at midnight last night and refused to wake up until midday today. He did get up about 4 to help me change a nappy but I had been up feeding since 2ish, slept a few mins, then up roughly every 2 hours to feed. Asked him to bring me a coffee, refused. He held the baby for a hour so I could shower etc and has now been playing gta5 for 4 hours with the baby asleep next to him. Asked him to turn it down so I could nap. Refused as I fell asleep earlier with it at that volume so he will not turn it down. We'll maybe it's because I was up all night and my fanjo hurts! Now I'm upstairs crying. He did say to me he wishes he could feed the baby. is he feeling left out? am I hitting the teary stage now the euphoria of birth has worn off? Or is he being a childish %*#?! Sorry it's long I have nobody to talk to as none of my friends have babies

Yes when for the 3 weeks while OH was on paternity leave all I had to do was feed my baby. It isn't a holiday he should be supporting you. I'd confiscate the bloody gta 5 until he grows up. He's not being traditional, he's being a child. Put your child first

My lord. I can't believe what I just read. You just had a baby and he is too busy playing computer games, won't bring u a coffee and won't let u nap by turning the tv down and ur talking about could it be u ?! I cannot believe still accept this. U need to put him in his place and put ur foot down. Take back some of the control. Do not let this man control. He will treat how u the way u let him.

You are definitely not expecting too much of him! He should be using his paternity leave to look after you and the baby. He is being a total arsehole. Don't do anything for him and definitely get the midwife to have a word if you can. Also definitely invite your mum to come - you need help and support and he needs to learn!

Hello OP.

Congratulations.

My dh is traditional too, but that is where the similarity to your dh stops.
There wasn't paternity leave when ours were little but dh more than did his fare share. Every possible opportunity your dh should be helping you, caring for you and just as importantly bonding with his son.
He's in England now anyway and needs to act like a Husband and Father, irrespective of what he does in his own country.

it's paternity leave, not a fecking holiday!!!

You are BF and recovering from the birth. In my book you get to prioritise BF and resting up. And while he is on PL he needs to support you and the baby by taking care of you and the home.

If he's not going to make you a hot drink and support your right to sleep at any time of the day you want to ATM I'd be wondering if he was any bloody use at all.

YY to cutting the plug.

many congratulations on your beautiful baby. I hope he steps up to being your support person and partner rather than the petulant spoilt brat he is currently acting like.

Ummm, that fucking games console would have been thrown at the wall, and I would probably be bellowing the word "cunt" at him. And then I would show him this thread...

Sorry OP, but at a time when you are sore, hormonal and have been through the hugest, most life changing event in your life, he should be bending over backwards to make you as comfortable as possible, not treating his paternity leave as a chance to doss and treat you like shit.

I'd have my mum over like a shot and kick him out until he cops on to himself. Fucker.

Sorry, and after all that, congratulations on the birth of you baby!

Wow, does he understand paternity leave isn't a fucking holiday?! You had a baby a few days ago, all he should be doing is helping you recover from 9 months of pregnancy and giving birth to his baby! When my baby was born six months ago, I did NOTHING apart from feed the baby and have cuddles, dp waited on me hand and foot until I had recovered from giving birth and established breast feeding. Aside from that what kind of person refuses to turn down a video game so someone else can get some sleep?

Grade A knob.

Why the fuck did you decide to have children with someone so selfish?

You have to sort this out now, otherwise this is your life. Him being an arse and you being a doormat.

I feel really bad for you that you are having to deal with this 4 days post birth. You need love, support, nurture - and it doesn't sound like he is giving you any of those things.

The talk has happened. He is washing up right now and then he is bathing the baby. I also said if I come back from nappy change and he's not downstairs making me breakfast I will punch him. Wish me luck.

Your milk has hopefully come in now but that can make you feel weepy

Basically I agree with what everyone else has said - stop this now and lay it on the line with him

Your job is to feed your baby and that's it

I found NOT getting out of my PJs reduced everyone's expectations

You need a good while to recover from even a relatively good birth

My DH Did everything when he was on pat leave - he couldn't feed the baby but cooking, cleaning etc

Hide the GTA and get your mum back if nevessary

PinkApple this is about love and respect and nurturing.

I could weep for you, he shouldn't have to be told that this is what normal men do.

I really hope he realises what a selfish arse he's been and that this isn't about housework, it's about love.

Have a good day and I hope he continues to pull his finger out.

I hope he is absolutely grovelling to you!!!

I did the majority of housework pre PFB but even my DH manned up without me saying a word. I am for you!!

And YY to previous poster - baby or not what kind of inconsiderate sh*t refuses to turn down the volume on a VIDEO GAME when someone else is trying to sleep?!
The fact that he did that after you just had HIS baby is incomprehensible.

I would cut the plug off as a lasting reminder. If he wants to act like a 3 year old, treat him like one.

Jeez.

Please also tell the MW to have strong words just on the off chance he is not aware how BLOODY HARD it is to grow and birth a baby!

Jeez . Smh.

Ps - no offence intended to 3 year olds. Upon reflection they are probably more mature and reasonable than your OH.

You aren't being a doormat. He is being a twat. My XP was like that.

I hope he's bucked his ideas up now and you get some rest.

Well done, Pinkapples. Keep it up and don't let him slack off. It's lovely weather here today...if you have the same get that baby in his pram for a lovely long walk with daddy while you snooze.

Then he can make supper.

It would be a shame if that stupid game had to go missing..

Well done for standing up to him!
Our baby is almost 8 weeks old.

I had tea/coffee made for me and bacon sarnies every morning. Baths run for me. He was up feeding/changing baby. Tidying and cleaning done. He cooked for us and was amazing.
He started on GTA 5 last week. When baby is asleep and everything is done. And my soaps are on

He sounds like a knob. sorry.
but keep doing what you're doing!
And congratulations on your baby boy :)

He's being a shit. What a disgrace.

Whoever said its about love and respect is spot on. It beggars belief that he's treating you so callously.