Is it too much to ask?

[RottieLover]

I am involved in a 14 month long distance relationship, he comes to stay with most weekends so is it too much to ask for him to help me around the house a little? a couple of weeks ago it was sunday morning and he was still in bed at 11am, I had got up, was bored (kids were at their dads) and so went to cut the grass. The garden is in a terrible mess and we have spoken about it at length so I kinda expected him to help me when he realised I was doing it, especially as I have bad hayfever. It got to 1pm and I wondered where he was only to discover that he had got up and was playing around on the internet .

So I told him I was annoyed about that...

Anyway a few days ago we were sat watching the England match and as it finished I got up and said "I'm going to tackle the garden" expecting him to say something like "Ill give you a hand". I was out there for about half an hour, I saw him come to the kitchen window, look at me, get himself a drink and then go back into the living room...turned out he had switched the playstation on as soon as Id gone outside .

So should I be expecting him to help me out when he doesnt actually live here or is he taking the piss like I think he is?

I think it would be nice of him to help out and i'd probably expect it from a long time partner.

How old is he? 15?!

Shit - sorry, not suggesting you're bedding a 15yo, just that his behaviour sounds like he might not be old enough to buy fags

out of order.
dh and i had a long distance relationship for 3 years and we grasped every minute together.if he'd stayed in bed or played on computer instead of being with me we wouldn't have lasted.

kick him into touch.

I don't think I'd expect him to help you in the garden if he doesn't live there. Does he have his own garden at home to do? Do you help him with that?

Maybe he needs to actually be asked rather than you expecting him to help out - men aren't that good at interpreting what we want them to do....my DH certainly isn't!!

try saying 'come and give me a hand with the garden'...my dp is rubbish at responding to hints

or before he even gets to your place put it on his/your /the agenda.

I agree with beansontoast, maybe instead of saying 'I'M going to tackle the garden' it should be 'come and HELP ME tackle the garden'??? something like that? but it seem unfair of him not to help you at all.

He doesnt have a home of his own, he lives with his parents and his mum does everything for him, I dont think he does anything at all to help at home...

Sorry but he just sounds to me like yet another emotionally immature manchild. He's showing you a complete lack of respect.

You deserve better honestly.

Have you written about him before?.

...tell him that if he doesn't start mucking in a little bit more that you're going to give him a brazillian wax with the strimmer...if he doesn't take the hint kick him into touch...get yourself somebody who has been living on his own and use to looking after himself NOT somebody who has had his mum looking after him..GOOD LUCK and lol xx

I used to have a boyfriend like this. Suited himself all the time when he came to stay, ate all MY food though. We decided it was best for his health if he left for good. Users and wasters the lot of them!! I have a lovely dh now who wouldn't dram of treating me like this. You deserve better so tell him!!!

I've not posted about him before no.

It really pisses me off when he sits on MY computer, he downloads videos etc knowing that my internet is limited , I'm not being petty but I wouldnt dream of staying at someones house and just switching on their pc whenever I felt like it. Same with the playstation (although cant really complain as that is his, he just leaves it here). Wouldnt hurt him to stay off the PC just for the weekend though.

Have you been on MN before under a different name complaining about the way he spends money - or doesn't?
or is that someone else?

oops - sorry - already answered!

can't you just um tell him?

I have told him, I told him the first time that he didnt help me with the garden and played on the PC instead and he said his hayfever is bad but said he'd stop with the pc thing. So this time he puts the playstation on instead

If you're not actually living with someone, but coming to stay on a regular basis, and have been for some time, then on the one hand, I can sort of see why he feels so at home that he doesn't think twice about turning on the PC.

However, if he does feel that yours is a "second home" and treats it as such, then he should also be helping you out with the mundane, day to day stuff that needs doing. Apart from the fact that it would be a nice gesture anyway.

I sort of had this with an ex who made himself very much at home. After a while, it wears thin ... what really decided it was him coming to stay for a week at Xmas, for which I'd bought turkey & all the trimmings, plus all the other Xmas "luxury" food you can imagine which he was only too happy to eat. His contribution to the week was a case of beer for him (I don't drink) and a small box of Roses which he ate in on evening.

He was dumped at New Year.