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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it just me???

12 replies

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 17:38

There are a few things that have been really really annoying me lately (sorry this may be rather long) and maybe it really is just me but I feel SO frustrated
DH seems to blind to ALL things that involve housework tidying etc, if I ask him to do something he doesn't want/like doing, he just ignores me or i'll get 'in a minute, in a minute in a minute' until I do it or its just not done. DD is 4 months and doesn't like to put down during the day while I do ironing or washing up etc If for example I ask DH to take clean washing upstairs, he thinks its ok to dump it on the floor in a heap and if he needs something to wear, he'll take whatever out of the washing machine and tumble dryer and just dump it on the floor so he can do his stuff.
Today we viewed a house, which was really nice and we could move straight into it but i'm used to living in houses that have a front room plus dining room or the 2 knocked together, plus a kitchen. This one has livingroom and then kitchen, we can't really fit all our appliances in and I thought we might have discussed it a bit more before we put in an offer, but DH just went ahead and put the offer in. When I asked about where he thought we might put the pc, he said we could put it in the 3rd bedroom, as we don't need it now, but what if we have another child in the next few years (which we've talked about)??? Whats the point of having 3 bedrooms if one has to be used for somewhere to fit in all the stuff we can't fit into the rest of the house!?!?!? If I try to talk to him, I know he'll just snap at me and it'll end up being my fault but i'm so annoyed and frustrated by him!!!

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 28/06/2006 17:46

Jelly - you have a new baby and that does often cause tensions for both parents. It sounds like he's being a bit off, but I think you are also over-reacting a tad and perhaps, well, you're just winding each other up really. How are you sleeping (either of you)?

Original poster

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 17:49

Sleep isn't an issue, dd sleeps thru

OP posts:

Original poster

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 17:57

But is it really acceptable that I should look after dd and clear up after him as well??? For example he doesn't take his plates to the kitchen and put them by the sink, I don't mind washing them up, but he doesn't move them. He thinks its ok to not clear stuff off the chairs and sofa if people are coming round, so they can sit down. I know my Mum told me all men are the same but is he blind?

OP posts:

charliecat · 28/06/2006 18:02

Ah....Ive been with my dp for 11 years and he was the same. In the past 2 years I have laid it very thick on the line and told him exactly what I think of his lodger type tendancys.
Hes got a lot better since I said Id actually rather live without him than live with him like that, explaining he would have to do more for himself if he lived on his own...
All the best.
But if they can get away with not doing it they will.

Original poster

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 18:07

Well I have explained it to him or tried to, but all I get is 'I know'. If you know, bloody do it!!! Sometimes I wish I did live without his mess.

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 28/06/2006 18:12

yes - some people naturally "see" mess more clearly than others. I'm lucky I suppose, as we are the opposite (DH is the tidy one). But then I do have to put up with his nagging...

I would suggest a compromise - you suggest he does x y and z and in return you'll stop nagging him to do a b and c. it's generally a more successful strategy than trying to do what's "fair" because that is so subjective.

anyway even without sleep probs babies have a way of bringing these things to the fore.

Original poster

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 18:15

yeah they do, it was like this before dd tho.

I'm more annoyed at the offer on the house that we can't even talk about now

OP posts:

SenoraPostrophe · 28/06/2006 18:17

well then talk to him about that, but don't do the "and another thing" thing and go on about the mess. I learned that rule late, but it does cut down on rows!

I do think he was out of order on that btw. it sounds like a nice house but should be a joint decision. at least it's only an offer. you can withdraw it.

beansontoast · 28/06/2006 18:37

your post made me smile...in a 'i could have written that 'kind of way...anyway...this could be long

the good news is 'they'can change...hoorah!!

BUT...expect it to happen over a two year period...so SLOWLY taht youll be soo wound up by the other infuriating things they do that you may not even notice.

my dp lived with male mates before we shacked up and wasnt used to saying where he was going if he was just popping out for a paper,doing joint laundry ...or thinking beyond 24 hrs into the future etc

8 yrs later he does teh big weekly shop,changes beds...and no longer dumps washing from the machine to do his

oh and another thing...forgive me if this is not wwhat your situation is about ...but when i found myself at home with teh baby i quite dramatically changed my housekeeping standards...things were far more urgent than they ever had been before...so dp was bit freaked out by my new homekeeper personality and took a while to catch on..

and tbh...it felt like the house was now the office...and i had to have everything in place for tomorrow or id get up already 'behind' and all that sort of thing...so how dare he come home and 'mess up my desk'...oh that sounds a bit weird!

cant comment on the house stuff cos we dont have one!

anyway,hang in there..its not just you...omg you are so not alone on this one im certain!

beans x

alexsmum · 28/06/2006 18:41

i would def be pissed off about the house.buying a house is huge and it needs to be a joint decision.i would be getting him to phone the agent and withdraw the offer pronto.there's no point moving to a smaller house.

i can't really comment on the mess because i am the biggest slob ever and am currently surveying the crap spread all round the living room!

Original poster

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 18:47

beansontoast, yes you are right, it does have more of an urgency now. If I ask him to do something, I need it doing then, not in 5 hours time, its not like I ask him at the start of a tv programme he's watching, or as soon as he's in the door from work, but it is a lot more urgent now.

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Original poster

JellyNump · 28/06/2006 21:03

I just wanted to ask, DH seems to have an extremely short memory, whether he just doesn't listen i'm not sure but eg: when I was pregnant he asked me over and overin 1 day what time we had to go for the midwife appointment, literally every half hour or so, do you think he has a problem or just doesn't listen?

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