Some tips on how to be under same roof and separated

[Sandshoes73]

hi, I posted a few weeks ago about separating from husband who has capped off about 5 years of EAs and affairs with shagging our ex nanny while I was away with the kids.
We live overseas and at the moment neither can move into other accommodation.
He has been away on work for 3 weeks, coming back tonight. During his time away I have interviewed for jobs in home country and also applied for better paying jobs here - so my options and choices are looking good and I should have a plan within a few weeks, hopefully.
In the time he has been away, he has sent text messages, finally admitting what he's done, exact words
'get over this 'nannyname' bullshit and face facts. I paid her for sex. simple as that. it was offered and I accepted'.
He then went on to add what more did I expect as I accused him of EA 3 years ago (he was having one for a long time).
Next day I get a message asking that we stay civil for kids and 'sorry for the shit last night from both of us'.
I said yeah, to just keep the peace as such and get through the day.
I have found his Tumblr blog which is full of photos of porn with girls of nanny's ethnicity - with his comments, 'awesome, just like my girlfriend' and also photos of Asian women, with his comments 'memories of best parts of work trips to China and Thailand'.
I can't stop checking his tumblr and I know I have to.
Basically I need some help as to how to keep it together when he comes back tonight and stay civil.
The practical part of me knows he is a disgusting lying little sneak, and really I need to know no more as I have seen enough, and to just walk away with head held high in a month's time, but the emotional part of me wants to just go off my brain at him and let him know I have seen the porn blog etc - but what is the point?
He believes he is so far above social norms and decency.
Can anyone give me any tips on how to get through without imploding/exploding?
thanks!

I don't think you can stay civil.... doesn't sound like a realistic ambition at all. I think you should explode in his face, kick the bastard out and bolt the door behind him. Who cares if he has no-where to stay???

It's not just the accommodation, it is the fact that the kids and I's resident visas are under him, and he has also threatened to cut off money. My pay at the moment would only cover groceries and a few extras here.
I know, I just have to suck it up and work on my exit plan, whilst trying to maintain calmness.

What a disgusting man. Unable to keep it in his pants. for you.
Staying civil will be very hard, knowing what you know. I don't think I'd be able to stay quiet about it. You might feel better if you have it out with him.

Just keep thinking, he's not your problem any more. He can pick up all the diseases under the sun, he's not going to be passing them on to you. He's a sleazebag, but he's not your sleazebag. Practise a dismissive wave of the hand and a cool "Whatever..."

And keep paddling furiously under the surface towards the goal of OUT!

If you think he'd pull a trick like cutting off money, empty the joint account or max out the credit cards stocking up on groceries. 'Sucking it up' is likely to make you sick.

Anniegetyourgun, great advice and that's what I will do.

Cogito, might just do that and get myself some treats at the same time, that amount to the same as what he's spent whoring around...

When it happened to me (mine wasn't quite as bad as yours mind you), I worked full time anyway.
I stayed out of the house at the gym every night.
Left him to spend his last few months looking after our DD as much as possible.

I slept in the spare room.
I was still not very nice but we managed for about 6 months before he eventually moved out.
But I did have an end date and that helps.
Just bide your time. Leave him to it as much as you can and keep out of his way as much as possible.
Keep working on your exit plan and keep all evidence of his 'misdemeanours' especially ones where he is fully admitting it.
You can do it. Good luck!

I am in similar position, also abroad, probably not far from you.

Just focus on getting that job to get out but keep siphoning some grocery money as running away fund (while buying yourself treats!)

Can you open a bank account of your own?

I have been in separate rooms for a few months and am just trying to avoid as much as I can, without engaging.

Oh yes, make screen shots of blog, photos etc & keep them on a memory stick somewhere safe.

You never know when you might need to use them as leverage if he keeps threatening to cut off access to funds.

Thanks folks, and Spree, I hope you are OK - we might be walking past each other and not know it!
I have a bank account in the country where we were before that and my wages go into it, I don't use them and it is just building up, have also siphoned money out of home joint account into my own - not all by any means but enough to buy a car, get resettled etc.
I own a relatively new car here, so can get proceeds from that as well.
Have forwarded all emails to my own account and hidden them in a folder, have taken screenshots of some of Tumblr photos alluding to girlfriend and Thai prostitutes and have printed Facebook messages. (I put a key logger on home computer).
I have also changed the phone bills to be emailed to me.
luckily the houses here are big - he is basically in own area, we just have to share kitchen.
I have packed up the things that are precious to me while he's been away and basically could get them freighted and get on a plane with the kids now.
I am blessed that I have a supportive family and a close bunch of really lovely friends.
aaaaah, not how you think you're life's going to go, but thank you all for advice.

You seem to be all set.
Great plans in place - well done.
I don't think many peoples lives do turn out as planned.
Life just happens and we deal with it all as best we can.
Hang on in there.

Hi just posting to see if you got on ok after he came back last night.

Thanks SPree, yes, have been fine, I got confirmation of a job at home, a good one and I think it's shocked him that I've been so proactive the last few weeks.
I got my lovely ring resized for non wedding finger and any time I feel like I might bite, I just give that a rub as a reminder I will be out of here and away from him soon.
Thanks all, I appreciate your help.

That is excellent news about the job. Onwards and upwards - don't look back - he's not worth it

What a cunt. Get away from him. As far away as possible.

Chub, it is a 17 hour plane trip! Don't know how he's going to fit seeing the kids into his pornstar lifestyle, that's what makes me saddest. And hes telling all that I have chosen to not be married anymore!

No advice but sending you a hug. Stay strong. He sounds totally cuntish. Your new life will be amazing. Well done on the job! Almost there.....stay strong x

He's telling everyone YOU don't want to be married anymore???

You need to blow that myth out of the water and expose him for who he is (but wait till you're safe or a safe enough distance away).

So you're the guilty one!!! No mention of his whoring around is there?

Don't allow him to paint you as the bad one here. Advise him if he continues that you will tell the truth to all and sundry.
Or wait till you are safely away - then tell him you have writen proof of his behaviour and you will be forwarding it on to family and friends if he doesn't stop lying about you.

Yes, his stepsister, who I haven't told all the gory detail to, but whom Ive told we have separated (her response was to say that if it comes to choosing she would rather have me in her life than wankbadger) told me today that he told his Dad on weekend that I was leaving for a better job!
My career is the last thing on my mind, I have a toddler and a baby!
He told another mutual friend that I accused him of having a girlfriend and that was my excuse for not wanting to be in marriage.
I got myself a good one hey?
As soon as I am home, set up in job and safe with kids I might just send all a link to his tumblr account.
Again, thanks all.

If it's any consolation, your sounds like mine ... put me off men for life.

They are such a caricature of western men who come to Asia, they leave their morals at the door and use their money to exploit desperate women.

Then try to present the family man to all their friends and family back in the west, using wife and kids as cover.

Ugh

oh Spree, I am so sorry you have copped this as well.
Yes, I believe that certain men come here, leave their morals at the arrival gate and lose all sense of decency and reality.
It is the first time in 15 years of being together that he has earnt the same or more than me, he has been in a position of power over other people and I think it has just gone very badly to his little head.
I hope you are OK.
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