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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice wanted

4 replies

gringe · 03/10/2013 00:22

Have been married long time, 3 kids. Am fed up with DH forever having a go at me in front of kids when they misbehave and I try to discipline them. He did this again tonight (has promised not to in the past but then goes and does it anyway), and then when I objected tonight he held the living room door shut and would not let me out - he's a lot larger than me and whilst not feeling threatened in any way I was incensed that he was using his physically bigger bulk to effectively imprison me in my own house!

I shouted and he only did it for 20 seconds or so but I was and am livid.

Just had enough of him acting without thought for my or others' feelings eg swearing in the car in front of kids or losing his temper and being unreasonable.

I'm a very long way off perfect too - v short fuse and am very critical - but can see my faults and do work hard to try to be less short-tempered.

V fed up.

Am I over-reacting? But imprisoning me in my own room seems rather last-strawish...

OP posts:
SatinSandals · 03/10/2013 06:15

Of course you are not over reacting!
Why do you let him swear at you?
He is abusive.
I would work out if you want to stay , and if you do go to Relate and get outside help.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/10/2013 08:43

The problem is that the violence is escalating. You say you're short-tempered and he's aggressive. It's gone from 'having a go', losing his temper and swearing at other drivers, to shutting you in the room. When you're disciplining children, were you calm and softly spoken? Does he want you to be more aggressive? Was it the other way around? My fear would be ... what happens next time? If barring your exit doesn't work, is he going to break something? Lash out?

I don't think you're over-reacting.

RaRaZ · 03/10/2013 09:50

You're not over-reacting at all. I think I'd chuck my bf out for good if he shut me in a room and held the door shut - he's 6ft3 and I'm 5ft3 and there's no way I can compete with his strength. Sounds like you're in a similar situation. He's being a bully and using his physical strength against you. He may not have hit you or physically hurt you, but he shouldn't be behaving like that. It's wrong, and didn't he scare you? He should use his size to protect you, not to frighten you or hurt you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/10/2013 11:26

This sounds like living on the edge of a volcano.
How old are your DCs?

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