How not to sabotage new relationship...

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

after reading this section for far too long a bit. Plus own experience of course. So suspicious

What's making you suspicious? It could be self sabotage or it could be the voice of experience.

Cryptic

Not cryptic. I'm just wondering.

I didn't understand your OP... Suspicious is good. Suspicious is what keeps us alive. A survival mechanism. Up to you to work out if your suspicion is reasonable or not. If not, step out of dating and don't subject innocent potential partners to it.

Simple. Be open and honest but never allow them in past a safe point until you've been long enough together to establish whether the other person is putting on an act. In the meantime just observe closely.

How do you suss out if it is an act though? That's the biggest problem

How to suss if it's an act... I'd say that you should assume the person you meet on a date is putting on an act of some kind. They're trying to make a good impression and you're doing the same thing. Everyone's smiling, flirting and agreeing with each other... artificial. Listen to not only what they say but the way they say it. Listen to your feelings... if you feel uncomfortable you could be responding to something subliminal. If you get past a few dates, see the person in different environments and dealing with different people. See how they respond to a stressful situation, for example. Disagree with them on something and see what happens. Ask your friends for honest opinions... they aren't wearing lust goggles. :)

Has he given you any reason to feel like this? Do you know if he was faithful in previous relationships?

how to suss if it's an act ... listen to -how - they say things. Listen to how they talk of other people. Do they act a bit superior?

If you can, observe what they get angry about, and then how they get angry. Do they get angry over money, or how other people treat them, or if something they would like is no longer available, or what? Do they blame others to the same degree you would? Do they get upset about small things, or big? ( mind you its not always easy to see how / when people get angry, specially in the first months). But what they get angry about, and how they handle it, is very revealing.

Observe their friends, who they choose to hang out with and how they are with other people.

Are they willing to give up something they want for good enough reason, or do they think that what they want alwyas comes first?

Last, but seriously not least, there's an old saying: The measure of a man is how they treat people who are of no importance to them. That too is very, very revealing.

erm, cogito said it ever so much more succintly than I did :D

It's worth repeating :) I particularly agree with your last point about people of no importance. The type of guy who drives about swearing at cyclists or takes the piss out of the person serving their meal... the 'get shot' klaxon should be going off.

Yes - attitudes towards those perceived as 'lesser' is very telling. One of the biggest giveaways though is you first disagreement. A good person should be capable of making their point without aggression and acknowledging any good points you make even if they disagree with it. They should listen without interrupting when you respond and never, ever refute your argument with ridicule or by name calling.