How to help my brothers? Why is my Dad being unreasonable?

[MissingTheTwinning]

Hello. I'm struggling at the moment with how best to help my three brothers in the difficult situation they've found themselves in with my dad. Not going to call him DF because.. well, really, there's nothing Darling about him. They all live with him, in a very cramped two-bedroom council house. He's recently moved his brand new fiancee in, and has given them notice that they have until the 13th to find somewhere else to live.

So that's the brief into. There's a lot of back-story and I struggle with knowing what is and isn't relevant (also in everyday conversations!), and I don't want to bore anyone with my life story so I apologise in advance if I seem blunt or haven't given enough information! I don't want to overload you . I like questions.

This week is difficult for us all because the 9th is the two year anniversay of our mum dying. I can't really believe his timing, to be honest.

Practical help that I can offer my brothers is: I have a spare room, and my youngest brother has been thinking about moving up to me since our mum died. That plan may need to go ahead sooner than he was ready for, if they really have no options re: talking sense into him about a more reasonable timescale. That only helps one of them, though. The other two? I feel quite helpless right now. One is jobless, all have very little money available.

We don't need to see proof of whether or not they have Aspergers or not to be sympathetic to the fact that they might have more difficulties than others to be independent and have the confidence to do so. The op says plenty about their childhood, the lack of role model, the what sounds like abuse or neglect and her impression that at least two of them may have a condition . . . for us to be a bit understanding about it.

The op also says it was very hard for her to leave home and only did so because she was chucked out.

Im shocked at your lack of empathy and understanding of sn and the effects of neglect in childhood on adults.

I'm entirely sympathetic to these three men needing to move on at short-notice. However, a lot of people lack the confidence to be independent and it doesn't necessarily mean they are 'SN'.

2 of my brothers moved back home in their 20s. One of them in particular expected my parents to do all his washing and cooking and he did not contribute much if anything by way of rent despite working. A lot of people (myself included) told my parents after a period of time that they needed to put their foot down or they would never be independent (not that they really did and it worked out ok).
If they have been asked to move out at short notice then I am very sympathetic. However, if your dad has been on at them for years to move out and is now finally putting his foot down, I rather suspect he could post an OP in a way that he would have people telling him he had done the right thing for their sakes.
I agree though, that if there is a suggestion of SN, that adds a different complexion.

if they are then it could be that they are coping at about 2/3 their chronological age, so 20, 18 and around 14. through in a choaotic childhood and they aer not going to be coping like 20 something adult men. perhaps getting them to a gp for a referral for assessment may help in the long run.

That's interesting BlackEyedSusan.

Poor lads.