Insecurity resulting from drunken fumble

[jmiller171]

Having recovered from a broken marriage resulting from my husbands affair, I have moved on and have been in a new relationship for nearly two years. We are hugely more compatible than my Ex, and have become incredibly close. We are desperately in love and are working hard each day to work through our respective circumstances and divorces so that we can hopefully come together in time as a family.
However, early on in our relationship, my new DP confessed to an indiscretion. It was mostly a drink related incident that he doesn't recall that well with a work colleague but none the less, it appears to have a had a profound impact upon me and my ability to settle into the relationship we have now.
He has (I am as sure as I can be) been completely honest with me from the start. He is warm and loving and generous and when we are together I am happier than I have ever been before. However, when we are not I am finding myself questioning what he is up to. Wondering whether or not his lack of self control is something that might be repeated. I feel like I can trust him when he is sober and in a situation that has no potential for any further indiscretions, but not sure that I can when he is away and I know there are other women and drink involved.
Its starting to send me round the bend. I am finding myself pulling back from the relationship, resenting what happened previously and subsequently him for his stupidity. Having experienced the sense of loss that comes from betrayal in my marriage, I am increasingly asking myself whether it is even worth risking continuing with a new relationship when I am already feeling insecure and questioning trust. Though on the other hand, I can't imagine myself having the courage to go through the stomach churning heart break of giving up possibly the best relationship I have experienced in my life so far.
He has a high sex drive. We enjoy a very healthy sex life. Rather than enjoying it, I find myself questioning if this is the root cause, and whether the inevitable periods of absence that come from living apart could drive him to betray my trust again.
Anyone experienced similar? Worked through it?

Either you trust him or you don't. A high sex drive won't cause a good man to cheat. No trust = no relationship.

Maybe you need some time apart to think about this properly? You say you're not joined as a family which presumably means you don't live together, so it would just be a question of taking some time out to work out if this mistrust is reasonable or if there's something else that's making you uncomfortable. If you're both going through divorces etc. it could be as simple as getting them behind you and feeling more settled and secure about yourself and life in general before committing.

I agree with Cailin. Your fears are entirely understandable, though, since your ex abused your trust by having an affair. If you want to see where this relationship is going and you have no concrete reason to doubt your new man, you'll just have to take a (very scary) leap in the dark.

Your concerns are perfectly reasonable given the history with your ex-husband and your current partner's 'indiscretion'.

Some men, I'd like to think most, can be trusted 100% around drink and other women, however high their sex drive...

What's this guy's relationship history? Has he cheated on past gfs?
Have you talked to him about your fears, and asked him about his past patterns with women?

I gave my husband, his mates & siblings the third degree on his past gfs & treatment of women before I would agree to start dating him. He was (is) a handsome Frenchman, & while afaik I'd never been cheated on in past relationships, I decided to work on the basis that he may be a player until proven otherwise. Unlike all my other bfs I hadn't known him & his family previously.

If your partner has never been indiscreet before & it happened in the very early days of your relationship that's one thing, but if this has happened before, then clearly that's a problem.

Getting the truth at this point will be difficult obviously...