Masons

[orangeblosssom]

Does anyone else find their husbands spending several evenings doing Masonic events at the expense of couple time? Our couple time is severely reduced anyway because of my husbands's heavy workload.

i'm curious - what exactly do masons do?! What's the big secret?

Op , could you please explain what do you mean by saying that he is doing Masonic events? Like parties, meetings?

Is it a typo? Are you at Masonry events - planning a house extension?

Tis isn't about Masons, per se (for which attendance can be quite sporadic and still perfectly acceptable from the Lodge's pov).

It's about a spouse absenting themselves for a personal pastime beyond the toleration of the other spouse. Did you manage enough time together before he started going our more? Has anything else in your relationship changed?

My dad was a FreeMason - he went once a week but i know that lots of the 'brethren' went much more

It totally depends on the lodge. My DP belongs to two. One meets about 3 times a month, the other only four times each year. There are additional social events but they always involve partners.

As far as I know it would be most unusual for a lodge to meet more than one a week. What position does he hold at the moment?

Several times a week is very unusual and certainly not required. He must be attending other lodges as well as his own if that's where he is going at all.

Dysfuntionally they do a lot of ritual based on very old traditions during their meetings but they also have what's called Lodge of Instruction where they have a guest speaker talking about all manner of subjects.

They do huge amounts of fundraising too and just generally like to help people and better themselves.

Cotedazur is gas lighting

I agree totally with AuntieStella's post. The Masons just happen to be the excuse he's using for deciding he'd rather be elsewhere than at home.

LeoTheLateBloomer that's an extremely charitable way to describe freemasonry. 'Generally like to help people'? You mean help each other... it's an old boy network for people who haven't been to public school.

How is cotedazur gaslighting???

Cotedazur is casting doubt on the veracity of this man's reasons for being out every night ... a reasonable speculation. It's not gaslighting.

Hope I know my DP and what he gets out of freemasonry and it's not what you say. I would also say the same for a great many of his friends.

I don't doubt that some see it that way, although it's part of the initial 'interview' process to make clear that that's not what freemasonry is about.

Cote is not gaslighting. She is merely pointing out that freemasons don't meet that often and speculating as to whether he is where he says he is.

Hope that's not very fair - I work for charities that have received huge donations from Masons.

My DF is a mason (quite senior) and my FiL was VERY senior (he died 2 years ago). FiL went several times a week because he went to lots of Lodges and took on roles with them.

More than a few times a month is unnecessary and you need to talk to him about his priorities. In that sense, it's no different from any other hobby that he enjoys and would like to do more.

I can't for the life of me imagining being in a relationship with a freemason, but hope that this thread doesn't get hijacked by a discussion about the practice itself.

In fact, you might want to start another thread where you talk about a past-time of your husband's that's getting in the way of your relationship and family life, without revealing what it is, because this thread has bunfight written all over it and you came here for support.

Though you might want to mention that this hobby prohibits women because sexual politics are always relevant in relationship difficulties.

My DP is a Mason. He is out tonight actually at a practice prior to installation (for those who understand what I mean lol). His lodge met once a month but he is often invited to other lodges add a guest and thankfully he is very picky about what he attends as we know some Masons who are out several nights a week.

He also does Chapter once every three months but that's it. It's all about being reasonable I think. Your DP should never sacrifice too much family time for the sake of visiting another lodge. I would also be concerned about how much my DP was drinking if he was out regularly in the week with Masonry as it's a very sociable pastime.

Btw to those with reservations about the Masons, they raise a huge amount for charity and from every involvement I've had there is none of the old boys network present these days.

As a guest not add a guest! Sorry. ..

Dh goes the minimum required which is about every 5 months.

You can get involved as little our as much as you like.

Can't recall ever heating about men joining the WI, no one is up in arms about that.

Does anyone else ever hope that an OP comes back, realises the folly of her thread and asks for it to be deleted, so that she can start again?

Tbh it doesn't matter what the OP's Dh is doing, be it the masons or the gym. The fact is he needs to balance it with family life.

OP I'm a Masonic orphan as such - my Father is v much involved and I am very supportive of Freemasonry in general. There's nothing sinister and they do a great deal for charity. My Mother was very supportive because it gave them both a bit of time to do their own thing (may have helped I had an au pair?) but then my Father didn't get so overly involved when I was little.

Ask him to cut back a bit; not that many meetings are compulsory and LoI isn't always a necessity.