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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it wrong that I feel so upset?

14 replies

quicklegs · 02/10/2013 01:11

DH is home again. Drunk,I know he has lied to me about his whereabouts. The lies have increased throughout our relationship. I don't know what is true and what is not. He has a property in another country which he has failed to pay the mortgage on for 2 years. They have our address, why are there no letters.????? He shagged his ex while with me in the early years. He tells me he is going for a drink and 10 hours later phone off, nothing, after 3-4 times like this, one where he stayed in a hotel all night. We had 3-4 'normal' years and now lies lies lies again. I must be a total fool.

OP posts:
Original poster
quicklegs · 02/10/2013 01:20

Too late for this message, I know, should just go to bed and listen to him snore..

OP posts:
Original poster
quicklegs · 02/10/2013 01:28

And I know I should've sleeping, but instead I am snooping. He has a friend on Skype at work who has asked if he is 'rising' to the occasion.. Because she knows he has a difficult home life and needs a release. I am Hmm and Confused. Fucks sake. Who is this woman?

OP posts:
MagzFarqharson · 02/10/2013 01:28

Does he have any redeeming features?

He lies to you, shags his ex and puts you in financial jeopardy?

Please start thinking about your own future. Do you have DCs?

WinkyWinkola · 02/10/2013 01:30

Who is this woman? Who cares.

It's you you need to be worried about.

Don't you feel like you've had enough of his piss taking?

Can you pack his bags and tell him to find a real hotel?

He's not really a catch, is he?

All you may have caught with this one is an STI.

Bin him and get your sexual health checked out.

MagzFarqharson · 02/10/2013 01:32

Oh, quicklegs (the irony of your nn), use them to get as far away from this nasty person as you can.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/10/2013 07:22

Why are you snooping for more evidence that he's a waste of time? Hmm If ever there was an 'LTB' moment, this has to be it.

Pagwatch · 02/10/2013 07:26

What are you going to do?

TheOrcHeadKeeper · 02/10/2013 07:26

Oh come on. You know he's probably cheated on you more than he's admitted. And he's showing you total disrespect and treating you like a mug. Why waste anymore time?

Original poster
quicklegs · 02/10/2013 08:14

Thanks for your frank responses. He is ignoring me this morning, my day off today so he will be off to work so just me and DCs and I have time to properly think about this. I am so worried about the financial implications of leaving. We need both salaries to live in our tiny house.

OP posts:
MissScatterbrain · 02/10/2013 08:19

This may help answer questions about finances etc:

Olgaga's blog

Anniegetyourgun · 02/10/2013 08:47

You'd need a lot less to live on if one member of the household didn't spend so much on booze.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 02/10/2013 09:14

Please don't tolerate wasting your life with a cheating, lying, alcoholic arse for the sake of a bit of money. Do take the opportunity to think things through and do the maths of being independent. Find out if you'd be entitled to any state help here... www.turn2us.org.uk ... and see CAB or a solicitor because married women with children have a certain amount of legal protection.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/10/2013 12:20

Yes, call CAB now and get some advice on benefits and what you are entitled to.
Get away from this vile man as soon as you can.
He is not good for you and a terrible influence on your kids.
You have time today so pack him a bag and get him to leave you alone for little while so you can decide what you want to do without him in the house.
Are you near family or friends? You need some RL support if possible so talk it out with someone who loves you.
How many kids and what ages are they?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 02/10/2013 12:24

What on earth do you need to think about? Other than where to go for a full sti check up?! We live (I presume you are in the UK?) in a welfare state - you & your DC wont go homeless or hungry. You need to get out of this 'relationship' before it destroys you and your children.

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