Facebook niggle: should I de-friend ExH's family?

[Brodicea]

I split up with my Ex, well he left me, about seven/ eight years ago. We had been together for six years and married for one - we were both relatively young when we married, I was 23: we didn't have kids. So I was pretty close to his mum, and his sister and a couple of his aunties - in fact THEY all friended me AFTER we had broken up. At the time that was fine by me as I figured 'why shouldn't I be friends with them - I like them!'. I even met up with his mum a few times after the breakup. Things were a little complicated about five years ago, when we nearly got back together: but that didn't happen, as he had hurt me too much and I couldn't trust him.
So long down the line, and now in my second much happier marriage, it's starting to feel weird that I am still facebook friends with these members of his family. In fact, there is a lingering feeling of resentment if I see an update about him 'Uncle Ex came to visit!' 'Ex posted a song on sound cloud and it's great!'. And I do feel a little weird about them having access to my personal information and updates in case they report back to him. The thing is I don't want to hurt their feelings, and I feel reluctant to fully sever my tie with them - does this mean I haven't let go? Does the resentment mean I have unresolved feelings (he totally broke my heart and part of me is still angry)? Will it seem callous if I cut them loose? I feel weird about them seeing updates about my life now, and now I'm pregnant especially I kind of want to move on... Surely it'll be weird for them if he gets remarried or has a family...

Well I did it - feel a little sad, but strangely free - like there is a small area of my brain that doesn't have to consider them any more, or wonder what they will think of me.

I'm thinking of doing this too, might just go for it...

I don't really talk to them anyway. They've only seen DS3 (9mo) once since he was born () and they never even sent a txt to DS2 to say happy birthday last December. Don't know why I even bother trying with them tbh.

I did it too, I still feel a bit sad but it was for the best in my situation. I think there used to be a setting where you can restrict who gets your posts, but I think that still means they can click on your page and see all your info. I needed to let go, and cutting those ties was a positive thing for me.

If you unfriend and block them then they won't be able to search for you again and they'll just assume you've left FB.

I am FB friends with lots of my in laws but when my H left me for another woman 2 weeks ago, I changed my privacy settings so his family don't see any of my updates etc. I will eventually 'unfriend' them completely.

If you just don't want to see their updates, you can alter settings so they don't come up on your feed. I've done that with a few people for similar reasons over the years. You can also alter your own settings so more personal posts are viewable only by people you feel genuinely close to.

Dropping and blocking is fine if you don't want them in your lives in any way, ever again. But it does cause hurt feelings sometimes, so I suppose it depends how much you want them gone from your life, and to what extent?

I'm sorry you went through all that. I don't think it means you've not let go, either. Some things I don't think you ever exactly get over - the pain just fades as life gathers pace and leaves the past behind you, but reminders always ache a little.

Just limit what they can see on your wall.
Hide their updates as well.

I have a whole list of inlaws people that are 'political' FB friends that I have to have.

I tried changing settings but my XSIL (who I never thought of as a SIL - can't bear the woman and she is the other side of the world) posted loads of irrelevant political slogans the whole time. The pictures kept coming up in my 'notifications' even after I undid robed from her feed. So, rightly or wrongly, I unfriended her.

undid robed - unsubscribed

I might open up a Facebook account, invite to add all my old school mates, teachers, exes, old work colleagues, etc etc, to my friends list; string them all along for a while and then mass de-friend them all at once, "Mwa-ha-ha! Begone all of you, back to the past where you belong!"

There was a time when everyone's past just naturally disappeared from their lives and these awkward decisions weren't necessary. Times, they are a changin'.

Thanks all - I already plumped for total removal on a whim after posting! I had a quick look at our interactions over the past few years and they were pretty blank so it felt like my connection had gone pretty cold in any case - they were mere husks on my social radar. It feels good! I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, which facebook doesn't help with - fear of being judged, being overly critical of self, comparing acheivements etc.

mademan sounds like a wonderful plan!

Don't feel bad, regular facebook culling is all the rage haha.

That sounds like the best plan, if it was making you anxious. And I know what you mean - some people I added years ago I have nothing to do with anymore, and I hide their posts. It's not a problem, I just don't want them cluttering my feed. If I had issues with them then removal is probably easiest, yeah.

Hope you feel lighter after the decision/action. :)