Parentless parent- help me find some positives

[Slutbucket]

I am married with three lovely children under five and they are gorgeous. I also have a lovely husband who is an absolute rock. Hardworking, loyal, good father to our children. My parents have both died and I was close to them, a close relative of my husband has recently died and was like a grandma that we never had. My husbanded estranged from his parents. Both narcissitc arseholes and have hurt us so badly. I'm just finding weekends and holidays very difficult. All our friends seem to be spending time with their families and I feel like billy no family!! Christmas will be just the five of us as everybody spends time with their own family. I 'm not yet forty and i feel so alone.

I love, love, love Christmas! My Christmases were the best (and were always just us, no grandparents) and I want the same now for my little family. Of course we're sad that we don't have our parents, but we should be happy we have our new families.

It is easy to idealise someone who has died! They could have been crap! Come to think of it my mum and dad were quite annoying at Christmas!

Holey can I ask what you did to make you love it so much?

Orphaned as a teenager, and Dh has recently lost his parents but his was not a close family, hardly saw each other, whereas mine was. I do have brothers and sisters, we always turn to each other when needed but do not live close and meet up every few years.

I dunno, it's a real source of sadness for me, I usually think, what can you do but just get on with it. I try and keep my parents alive to my children with stories and things I remember, it's not great but is all we have.

I do think though that me and my husband and children are a very tight knitted group, we rely on each other.

Slutbuket, my stories to my children are the good, bad and ugly about mum and dad! they always made Christmas painful but not allowing present opening until lunchtime, I've bought it forward to about 10.30, little steps!

Whoops, lost a c in your name, sorry

What I do now? That's easy - I live in the present, for now (sounds really cheesy, but it's true!) - I know I am lucky to have a good marriage and a child I adore and I concentrate on that. Yep, my parents were uber annoying - but, for me, that's part of the charm. I don't airbrush life - I am very realistic about it, but I do look for the things to celebrate in it.

OneStep - 10.30 - ha, it's still when breakfast has been washed up here!

What kind of sadists make their children wait till lunchtime!

Oh god, breakfast washed up, house hoovered, dog walked and then a cup of coffee for mum and cakes (on Christmas Day fgs) for her, and then we would be allowed to start, it was touture as kids, we use to sit on the sofa waiting, and waiting.

I still do all that, but try to do it a bit faster, old traditions are hard to break

Holey, you sound like me, or I u! Live for the present. Perhaps being orphaned has made our own little families tighter?

I do try to do it but my little boy asked who will we invite at christmas now grandma's an angel! Just made me sad:-(

Both dh and I are the least close of big families and when I'm not busy feeling bitter and resentful about the lack of any backup, we take pride in the fact that we are raising our kids without any help and we can keep Christmas exactly how we want it. We love Christmas...

Yes yes yes Slutbucket, makes me so sad too - my little ds says 'but WHY don't I have a granny?'

I think dh can idealise them even more than me - my dad was your archetypal 'pub bloke' and i think dh fantasises about being taken off down the boozer on Christmas Day by his father in law. Which would,no doubt, have earned them both a tremendous bollocking.

Hello OP

We still have mil and fil but don't really get on well. I too lost my parents aged around 40 and miss them at Christmas.
But those who say look at your family as a close knit unit are so right and even though 2 of our dc are grown up now, we have great times together.
We too would have liked the large extended family that I grew up with, I feel like our dc have missed out on so much.
I must admit to not wanting this when I read some of the threads complaining about family members and problems relating to xmas and holidays, etc. At least we don't have this and can do what we like without having to include others as its the done thing
You sound like a great mum and you have a family right there.

I really understand, my Mum is dead, my DH's parents are dead.
My DD is still with us, but he Is dotty as a fruit cake. My 4 DC would love a Grandma :( I feel so sad for them. My last grandparent died when I was 30. I feel my DC have been cheated out of a special relationship

I think one of the things I remind myself is Christmas was a magical time for us as children, thanks to my parents, I want to pass that on to my children. Even now, all these years on I have a moment on Christmas Day I go and have a lie down and a cry.

My mum told me once (why she told me this I have no idea) the best way to honour your parents when they die is to live you life as full as you can, let them live on through you. i do try and remember that, and tell my dcs this, but it is hard, it's hard always planting a smile on your face, always having to be an adult never a child as we have no one to be a child to, I find that tough.

Know just where you're coming from op. Was brought up by my nan from the age of 2. When she died I was 32, felt like an orphan. I went on to have 3 more kids, making 5 altogether. Now have 4 grandchildren, 2 son in laws, all come round for dinner once a week, its mad but wonderful. I have created a "big family" all of my own! You are in the process of creating the same, a big happy family of your own.

Thanks Cornish. My two youngest are twins and I do think someone sent them to me. Yes we have good times ahead!