It was our 3 year wedding anniversary on Sunday (we've been together 6 years) and DH has walked out today saying he needs space.
He is a recovering alcoholic (gave up drinking a month or so ago) but also addicted to cannabis (in my opinion...I don't have an issue with the social smoking of this drug so please, I'm really not after judgement).
We've been snappy with each other for a few weeks. My defence mechanism is to cry...I'm shit at arguing I really am, I try and hold it in but I can't. I don't make a big thing about it, I take myself off quietly and try to hide it but he seems to think I'm guilt tripping him.
Here is the text he sent me earlier
"Truth is, I'm not really feeling how I did before. I've started to notice since I sobered up how selfish and wrapped up in yourself you are, and the fact is that every time I tell you anything, you cry. Today isn't the first time you've done it, emotional or not, I'm not being held to ransom any more. Stay at (friend's house, we were there with our daughter when we argued and he stormed out) if you want but this is your home not mine. Sorry if what I've said is not what you want to hear but it's the only chance I've had without you crying and me having to back down because of that."
I can't see how I'm selfish...I really can't! All I do is think about him and our daughter. I get upset because he talks to me like shit! Then when I cry he says thing like "well if I'm so fucking horrible I might as well leave you both then", which makes ME back down and beg him not to go. He says horrible things to our little girl when he's stressed and I'm finally standing up to him over it. He still seemed to make that my fault as well by saying I don't step in enough to stop him getting stressed (she's 2 and hard work...I still manage to not shout and swear at her though).
I've just had enough I really have. I love him so much, all I've done is support him. Through his drug and drink problems etc. He's trying to get a career in the music business and I've been nothing but supportive. He lies to me about money and I don't confront him because I hate confrontation. I'm selfish?? Seriously??
I've been battling depression, I've been put on anti-depressants which haven't really helped and I've been trying to find my feet on, and my Mum has terminal cancer, we don't know how long she's got...so I may have been preoccupied...but I don't understand what I've done wrong.
The icing on the cake was this. He took the key and said he was going home to pack some things as he needed some space. I was at our friend's and she said he could stay there tonight if need be, which I told him. I was there trying to hold it together in front of our two year old. He knocked at the door, gave my friend the key and just left, telling her to tell me he didn't want to cause a scene. Our daughter heard her Dad (who she dotes on and asks for all the time when he's out) and then he's gone...so I have to deal with that as well. Then he texts me saying he didn't want to "make it hard for me and DD".
What a fucking coward...I'm so upset and angry, I don't know what to do. I've just settled my daughter and I'm indoors on my own with a bottle of wine, I feel at a loss. Parts of him I love more than life itself but I can't do this anymore. I always have to be the positive force in the wake of his moody negativity and it's fucking exhausting.
I've tried to put as much info as I can, I don't want to drip feed, but there is stuff I've missed out. I need to vent and I have no-one to talk to. I can't talk to Mum, she's too ill and thinks we're blissfully happy.