We've split up but work don't know - how do I tell them?

[Albert27]

Hi all - bit new to this forum malarky though like others lurk and am respectful of a lot of the advice so thought I'd give it a shot.

My partner and I split up recently and have just moved out to separate flats. The issue is we work in the same office.

Throughout our entire relationship, co workers seem to think our relationship is their business - asking about when we going to have kids etc (we now have one) commenting when he went on holiday on his own. Always joking about how we must hardly see each other.

They don't know we have split up as didn't want to be office gossip etc and was struggling to deal with the split anyway - so work seemed an escape from problems (we actually work different days to one another - which is a blessing).

Now the problem is people ask about him/us, and have asked why he went away for his birthday alone, am I going to his work birthday celebration blah blah blah.

I have told one person/co-worker - a mutual friend - who is very private and would never say a word. My partner appears to have told a few people in his department. I get the impression he has blamed me. A drunk colleague of his blurted out at an office do that he and she were injured parties and had been cheated on.

I have never cheated on my partner. And in fact we split because he has been consistently unfaithfully. He is a very adept liar and I think he even believes his own press that he hasn't actually done anything wrong - one long-term EA and paid-for/no-strings attached sex as well as a lot of porn sites. All of which was 'no big deal' apparently.

How the hell do I get the news of split out there - it is ultimately none of their bloody business.

I know I need to get it out there soon as it's harder to talk about homelife and continually lie. My relationship was one big lie and I'm relieved to be out of it so don't want to carry on the lie at work. I'm actually quite proud of myself for having the strength to leave an emotionally abusive relationship but I can't explain all that.

Sorry if this is all a bit waffly. And thanks for reading.

You could just do nothing, it will be round and then old news soon enough if people are drunkenly talking about it at parties. People are unlikely to care much who cheated on who its none of their business really is it?

Well done for getting out.

Next time it comes up, I'd simply say 'We're not together any morre and no, I don't want to talk about it, thanks.' with a smile. And then change the subject.

It'll get round the office soon enough and no one will ask

I was going to say do nothing as its none of anyone's business although if they keep asking stuff about you then you'll probably have to say something eventually to shut them up!

But seeing as he appears to be telling lies and bad mouthing you i would be tempted to set the record straight. Perhaps choose the blabber mouth of the office and tell a few key facts and wait for it to spread.

Perhaps how upset you are by his continual infidelity and affair, but particularly the type of sex that isn't free (with a knowing look).

Never been through this myself, but remember when a colleague split from his wife (who used to work in our department and some people still socialised with).

His tact was to take 4-5 close colleagues into a meeting room (2-3 at a time) and tell them that they had split and why, and openly inviting questions/being honest.

This meant that when rumours started they were instantly quashed as his close colleagues would tactfully say that they were wrong and to leave it be.

It was also very quickly yesterdays news. Depends on you and your circumstances if this approach would work for you.

Tell a couple of people you trust (possibly HR and line manager) and let them get the news out there in a sensitive way.