Any other long time.singletons out there as a result of a very painful break up?

[SoleSource]

Do you imagine being with some guy romantically and feel.scared, sick at the vosion of being physically touched by.him? ~ lkissed, hugged etc

I really think I.migjt be OYT in how I see men these days as in a negative light.

Oh bloody phone!

A Dr gave me a digital internal and made me panic and feel dirty.

When you say 'painful break-up' do you mean your former partner was physically abusive? Does that explain the aversion to physical contact? I'm 18 years single after a painful break-up and the main upshot has been that I've never fancied another live-in relationship. I still enjoy male company and sexual encounters, however.

My DS Father beat.me up once so I pressed charges, he pleaded guilty and was comvicted.

The next guy lied, emotionally abused me and stole from me. He used me.

Do you have any good male examples in your life? Brother, friend, co-worker?

Yes grear online friend. He is lovely. Genuine guy.

Is he lovely because he's remote?

No, he is just lovely, even.my.therapist said he seems genuine giy. He in 20 year relationship. We did chat on webcam for a ling time chatting about my ex and he was great.

I have mostly experienced hurt and rejection from nearly all men.

Have you ever met your online friend? Does 20 year relationship mean he's married?

Girlfriend,they are.both my FB friends. Not met him in RL but.known him online, webcam, phone since 2007.

To get back to the original point, there is no real necessity to be in a romantic, physical or any other kind of relationship with a man. It's not compulsory after all. You could choose to socialise exclusively with women and make more women friends. If your male doctor makes you feel uncomfortable you could ask for a female doctor. But you say you have a DS... does your hatred of men impact on how you treat him at all?

Dr was female and.no worries on how I treat DS. Infact we are cuddled up now on sofa. I might be very protective.

Yes, I do thin I feel uncomfortable around.men. I feel vulnerable.

Have you had any help coming to terms with the impact of the abusive relationship(s) or working on ways to make yourself feel stronger/less vulnerable? And does your female doctor know how uncomfortable you are with physical contact?

Yes I've had help but still fear rejection/users. Dr did know as when I took my hands from my eyes se looked quite cocerned at my reaction I think the examination really brougjt out how I feel about physical contact, I was concernedmyself at how bad it was

I've spent a good deal of my life single, but largely out of choice rather than fear, so I'm not sure I can say anything helpful. I started off as the result of a difficult breakup (I ended it and it tipped over into violence) and with babies in tow I didn't really have the opportunity to think about another relationship for a few years. When that changed, I'd got so used to being single and being accountable only to myself, I didn't want to have a relationship anyway.

Why are you asking this? Do you want to have a relationship and are frustrated that you aren't ready? Or are you seeking validation that it's ok to be single for a long time? If it's the latter, try not to think of it as "being single" which is almost defining yourself as "without a partner" or somehow "incomplete". Our culture normalises people living in romantic relationships, but it's not the only way to live. Instead try to define it as allowing your individuality to flourish. You will define yourself in terms of who you are - what you like doing, how you express yourself, etc. You will still have relationships - albeit non-sexual ones, in your role as mum, friend, etc.

its a club with more than a few members OP.
I wouldn't have another man in my life if he came dripping diamonds, and with a 3 year guarantee.

But then, I am a jaded old bat these days!

Thanks both x

How.I reacted to the physical touch of the made me realise I associate being touched by a guy with being very badly hurt emotionay.

Who knows what is around the corner..

Even though Dr was female I imagined it was a male and went panickey

Are you seeing a therapist because of your history of abuse or for something unrelated? Either way you will probably find it helps you to at least cope with normal daily situations like your Dr even if you don't feel ready for a relationship for a while if ever. Just be kind to yourself and hang on in there for a while.

I have a friend with a similar story to you who's been single for more than 16 years. She was abused first by her own father and then by her DC's father. She's still wary of new men and says she will never have another relationship, but she has made great progress. She can now see a male doctor and has male friends (although they are much more superficial friendships than her female ones). A lot of that is due to her wonderful SF, whose simple existence proved to her that not all men were bastards.

Thanks for the replies

I have seen a therapist but I feel now I just do not like men anymore, most of those I meet in my everyday life.