Huge back story to this but I'll try and keep to the facts or I'll break the internet.
Mum and step dad have been together for over 20 years. They don't get on at all. Spend months not speaking to each other over very trivial things (don't like the same TV program so fall out and leave nasty notes for each other for the forseeable). It's always been this way but it's getting worse.
Finances are separate. He pays the mortgage, she pays everything else.
She won't leave - she's scared. Not of him but the life that's waiting for her. No money, no job, no savings. It is a hopeless task trying to talk sense into her, she says the only way out is death (she's a young early 60s).
They are both narcissistic - when me or my sister have problems she says 'How do you think I feel? I can't cope! I can't sleep! This is making me ill' type of stuff. Selfless in some ways - will help strangers, but very selfish with feelings and doesn't care if other people are in the same boat because it's worse for her. He, on the other hand, is self-serving to the core.
Anyway, she says something in him has changed. That she could see that he was at least bothered before but he's become even more distant and it's like he hates her. (I know). He's all of a sudden at the gym every night after work,from 4pm until around 9.30pm (we've seen him there so he does go sometimes, for sure). He came into a large sum of money a few months ago and didn't tell her, she found out. He refuses to speak - stonewalls her, slams doors, punches walls, throws coffee, puts his fist in her face (without hitting her), has just pretty much left her to rot after a couple of operations, speaks to her like shit (in front of anyone and everyone), rips her off. But because they were childhood friends, she makes huge allowances for him (he had an abusive upbringing).
The conundrum she's in now is, if they split, she has to give up a jointly owned house because she can't afford it on her own. He whinged and whined at her to buy her council house in joint names. She didn't want to but did it to keep him quiet. They got it cheap with a full council discount. He went out a few months later and (don't ask me how) took the equity out in a home improvement loan to buy himself a 'prestige' car. Therefore shafting the discount my mum had built up.
DM is difficult to teenage girl proportions. Wants to cry and stamp her feet instead of being practical. Will not go the WA route, said they'll put her in a slum. I am stressed out to the fullest with it all. This has been going on for years but now she's threatening suicide.
She needs to leave but is clinging on by the skin of her teeth. What can I do? If anyone has any practical suggestions,please tell me. She won't go to counselling as she's a trained counsellor and no longer 'believes' in it. (I know!) Her GP referred her to a psychologist (six sessions to try and get to the root of her unhappiness) but they've just finished and according to DM, the psych agreed with her on everything and they talked about psych buying new coats on her recent visit to NY....Great.
Help (thanks for sticking to the end, if you managed it).