A couple of weeks ago I was at home with 2 children (both under 2) and the water went off. I rang DH (a plumber) and he told me to ring 118118 to get the number for the water company. It's a service I've never used but I did it and got put through (big mistake now I know, but I had no idea!). When the bill came for our landline it was twice what it should be and so we logged in and went to the itemised bit and discovered my mistake.
I obviously felt bad about this already but he then went through all the numbers and discovered a call to my mum for 1hr 10mins so we were charged for the extra 10 mins (we have that deal where it's free for an hour). So that was another pound or so and he had another go at me about that. I rarely call my parents - about once a month - so it's not like I'm always on the phone to them and I never call anyone else. To make things worse my parents were visiting and sat there in the room while he had a go at me about this.
It descended into a massive row with me crying in the bathroom. I tried to justify myself, because while I recognise I wasted money in this instance, I feel he wastes it too or spends on things we don't need (eg. Sky tv which he wanted) but I would never dream of berating him about it, and wasted money is just written off, or if he buys something that we never use I will be the one who sells it on ebay or whatever. I know I fucked up but I learned from the mistakes and the whole berating me in front of my parents thing like a naughty child was just unnecessary I think.
It got me thinking about how he is quite controlling generally and even when he knows I'm not happy with something, if its what he wants then it happens. He chose my car, which I hate, and he says we have to keep living here even though I hate it here. We also got a dog for 'him' but I desperately did not want a dog - all quite major decisions. When I challenge him about this stuff he just denies it or says "well you never make a decision so I have to" or will make it seem like I'm being unreasonable for questioning it (eg "we needed that car to fit both kids in" which is true but it doesn't have to be THAT car and I should've had some say. He calls it his car, and his house, even though the car is mine and the house is joint. He says its just a turn of phrase.
I'm on mat leave at the moment but I earn a good salary and I'm still on full pay. He is self employed and will come home and make sure I know exactly how much he earned that day. I already feel pretty low and we've had a bad time with the baby who has been really ill. We are not poor by any means and we have a good stash of savings as our parents have been very generous to us.
He wants me to give up work which I considered (partly because of the baby being ill) but now I think it's the worst idea in the world as I will spend my days battling with the children and he will waltz in waving his wads of cash and having a go at me over every pound spent. I just can't face a future like that but it's going to be hard going back to work as it is always me having to take time off for appointments and sickness (he 'can't let customers down') and my work will get pissed off.
I just thought I'd put this out there and see what people think and whether this is just normal and I'm being over sensitive?